


the quiet revolution

by Lise (thissugarcane)



Series: consequences too immeasurable to count [11]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-28
Updated: 2009-11-28
Packaged: 2017-10-03 23:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 25,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thissugarcane/pseuds/Lise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>Remus was still talking, on and on in a steady stream, but Sirius focused on that word, 'lose'. Lose. They could lose. He could lose.</em><br/>so, I follow the Lexicon time line for the marauders, which means these people died a few years after they left school; which means they died before they properly grew up. year seven. there's a mystery, and things get dangerous, and then more and more dangerous. graduation day means this is the war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. that's how I am

**Author's Note:**

> "that's how I am," I'll say, leaving this  
> pretext in writing: "this is really my life."  
> But everyone knows that's not how it happens at all.  
> not only the cords in the net, but the air  
> that escapes the interstices matters:  
> the rest remains as it was: inapprehensible.  
> time races by like a hare  
> in the February dew.  
> as to love -- love that unlimbers its haunches  
> leaving only a teaspoon of ashes  
> to say where the burning began--  
> the less said the better
> 
> \--pablo neruda, "those lives".

They found her the day after the last Quidditch match, tied up and naked and hanging from the underside of one of the bleachers.

It was Morgan who saw her first, a sixteen year old boy who wanted to play so desperately he'd pick things up off the pitch after them. He was walking beneath the Hufflepuff bleachers, a shortcut back to the changing rooms, and happened to look up. She was hanging head-down, and the blood had pooled in her fingertips, her face. Her cheeks were grotesquely red.

James heard his scream even while in the air at the other end of the pitch, legs wrapped tight around his new broom. Morgan's scream nearly unseated him.

Morgan had always been such a quiet boy. His mouth open, wailing at the top of his lungs, you wouldn't have believed it.

~

Peter, Sirius and Remus had been outside, full of questions. James knew that they were aware something was wrong simply from his face; he couldn't hide it, so he just kept walking. When James had gone to McGonagall, she had just said, "wait."

Dumbledore called James into his office after he'd been standing outside the statue not even ten minutes. James mounted the stairs, fear a taste in the back of his mouth - fear that had crystallized the first minute he'd heard Morgan. Crystals were funny things. They'd studied a kind of crystal in Advanced Potions one year; you grew them slowly, one thing building on the other. The stairs took an eon to reach the headmaster's office and the doors opened silently, let James into Dumbledore's office without any more waiting. Downstairs was murder, the waiting, but now that James was stepping before the headmaster he could have done with a few more minutes to prepare himself, Head Boy or no.

Dumbledore's hands were folded in front of him. "James, what did you see?"

James stuck to the facts. He shook his head, "no, I didn't. Her," he said in a quiet voice, "but nothing else, really. Morgan's the one that would have seen anything."

"We've spoken to Morgan," Dumbledore said, and there was kindness in his eyes. James was still tense. "James, the question I really need to ask you is: who else knows about this?"

James could see McGonagall in the corner, speaking low to someone with a suspicious face in the fireplace. "Well, Morgan," he started.

The air around him was thicker than usual. James took a larger breath, tasting it. There was something lodged in the back of his throat, he could barely speak around it. His head felt too big, trying to avoid this huge thing in his mouth, nose, skull.

Dumbledore looked right at him, the way he did that made you tell the truth. He repeated, "Who else knows about her, James? This is very important, probably more important than any other question I've ever asked you."

James looked down, "Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew ran into me on my way back from the school. I didn't tell them everything, but they know something's wrong."

Dumbledore motioned to McGonagall, who materialized at his right hand as if by magic. "Bring them here."

James looked off to the side. From the corner of his eye, he could barely see the grizzled head in the fireplace. The head swivelled around, stared at him. James looked at the floor, back at Dumbledore. Dumbledore was smiling gently. "We need to know who else is aware of the situation," he explained, and then stole a glance at the fireplace.

James had always been called a quick study, and he knew how the school was run, but this was no longer about the school, this was about hurried conversations with heads in fireplaces and James frowned, he said, "you're not telling anyone."

Dumbledore crossed his hands, sitting behind his big desk. "There is less than a month left of term. Until we know what's going on here, I do not intend to say anything, no." Dumbledore smiled at James, and James shifted uncomfortably under his eyes, then nodded. "Good lad."

~

Peter, Remus, and Sirius came into the room almost instantaneously, McGonagall nearly dragging Sirius by the hood of his cloak. They must have been waiting outside. Sirius trotted up to the desk and asked casually, "are we in trouble again, sir?"

Without preamble, "Did you tell anyone else about what Mr. Potter here witnessed?"

James barely had said three sentences to them, he was in such a hurry, and now he couldn't even remember what it was he said. Peter looked up in alarm. "I thought he was joking."

"No, we were finishing off a bit of practice for the Defense N.E.W.T. We did--" Sirius said, looking at James, "we all thought it was a joke."

"Thank you, boys," McGonagall replied, and started to usher them away from Dumbledore. The headmaster, sitting stationary in his chair, looked deep in thought and worried. "Go to your dorm and stay there for now." She added, "I don't have to stress the importance of keeping this quiet. Almost more to herself, McGonagall mumbled, "you're often quiet about something or other, so no one will wonder, that's something at least."

Sirius grinned. "Oh, they always wonder," but no one laughed. James glanced back at Dumbledore before going down the stairs and it didn't look like he'd moved.

~

"Not an auspicious start to term, eh, James?" Sirius brushed hair out of his face and continued to stare out the Gryffindor Tower window at the Quidditch pitch. James didn't really care what was out the window; he'd seen enough.

Peter hissed, "how can you joke about something like this!"

"Because if I don't joke," Sirius replied calmly, "I'd go crazy."

"How long have they been out there?" James asked, not looking at his watch and hoping the years that had dragged on past since this afternoon were really minutes in disguise.

Remus glanced at his own wrist. He was sitting on his own bed quietly, while James and Sirius paced around the room. "Over an hour."

"And to think," Sirius said, looking at James, "that they said being Head Boy would be boring. Now Flitwick's down there, too."

"Where's Morgan?" Peter blurted, and then stood up; James said,

"McGonagall took him." He could feel his cheeks, they were numb and the inside of his head was hot. "He wouldn't stop shaking, she said, so." James stopped.

"I could handle boredom," Peter said quietly. "I could handle boring really well."

"They're coming in," James said suddenly. His body, of its own accord, had moved him to the window. "I can see them, they're coming in."

Sirius sat down on the bed, head in his hands. "You know what this is," he said. "This is just another of those fucking Slyth--"

"Don't," James replied, coming away from the window. He could see his reflection in the window, stepping away. It was still whiter than looked healthy. "Don't."

~

"It was fake?" James said blankly. Beside him, Lily squeezed his hand.

McGonagall nodded, slowly. "It appears," she said grimly, "that someone devised an elaborate illusion, one so real that even at the first touch, the," and she halted, "the - body - seemed as real as you or I."

James repeated, "it was fake."

McGonagall nodded. "I must ask you, Mr. Potter, whether you know of anyone who might wish to pull such a prank?" she asked grimly. "Someone who might find this amusing?"

James looked up at the Professor, swallowing involuntarily. A piece of fear broke off, and tried to choke him. "You don't think that, _we_ \- that Sirius and I--"

She studied James for a very long moment. "No," McGonagall answered. "No, I do not."

James said, alarmed, "_Did_ you think that we could have, that." He turned aside slightly, sickened. You can't have thought it was _us_, Professor."

McGonagall looked away from the two of them, mumbling, "Get to class, you two." She hesitated. "And do keep your eyes open."


	2. pretext in writing

"So what are they going to do?" Sirius asked quietly, as they traipsed from one class to another. James was still looking rather ill.

Sirius was, of course, expecting news, and instead he got, "I'm not sure yet."

"You're not sure?" Sirius said, deftly ducking to avoid one of Peeves' water bombs - they rained down on a trio of girls, who shrieked and ran the other way - "or you can't tell me?"

James looked unhappy. "I don't know," he said, and then as a water bomb splashed all over their shoes, "Of course I'd tell you."

"Well," and Sirius pursed his lips. "We'll just have to find out. You said it was fake, right? So they don't have to call in the Ministry or anything." He scratched his chin; down the hall, Peeves was making a terrible racket, screeching and wailing and carrying on. "How's that kid?"

"Morgan?" James could not believe the way the kids were acting. Nothing official had been said about what had happened yesterday, but everyone was buzzing with news and rumors - in the last stairwell they'd passed, a group of fourth years were discussing the kind of magic necessary to create such a scare. One was certain it was something he'd read in a recipe book. "He's - he's resting." James sighed. "I think they'll send him home, truth be told. He had a bad scare."

"That's the understatement of the year," Sirius murmured. "Come on, Flitwick will have our heads if we're late. Have to learn all this magic we already mastered, you know."

"I want to take a look around the Quidditch pitch," James told him quietly. Someone in the school, they both knew, had put on that show. "I mean, it doesn't take a genius to figure out who was behind it, not after last term," he added, "but there has to be some way to prove it."

Sirius opened the Charms classroom door with a little more force than probably necessary; the hinges squeaked in protest. "I think after--" and then he stopped, and then he inhaled, an angry puff. "Later, once everyone else is tucked in for the night?" Sirius asked. "We could get in a spot of looking around."

"McGonagall asked me to keep my eyes open," James admitted, finally. He thought, slowly. "A spot of looking around might be a jolly good idea."

~

"Very good, Mr. Potter!" Flitwick squeaked. "Top marks."

James mumbled a thank you, loud enough for Sirius to hear but probably not the Professor. The magic they were trying to perfect wasn't new, by any stretch of the imagination, considering the whole class had spent the month of April learning it, but the fact that they could counter what Flitwick pulled without hesitation meant that the lesson had stuck in his mind. Remembering it meant, come exam-time, they'd have one less thing to worry about. Sirius was grateful.

"Now, would anyone else like to try?"

Remus leaned over from Sirius's other side as Gus pulled his wand out to attempt the same spell. "Nice counter," he muttered to James.

"Easy peasy," James said, "Right?"

Sirius watched Gus pull off as effortless a performance as James, and answered, "We'll all do all right on this exam, sure." Their class was twelve people from the entire of seventh year; most of the other students were taking easier lessons. Those who were in Defensive Charms were clever enough that they should get top marks. "Should be simple."

"Now then," Flitwick called out, "let's go over what we're doing tomorrow."

Sirius drifted off as Flitwick outlined their review for tomorrow. "It's not N.E.W.T.s I'm worried about, you know," James told Sirius and Remus as they left for dinner. "I'm more worried about--"

Sirius's fist clenched as they entered the dining room, and saw the Slytherin table laughing at something. The whole of the sixth and seventh year group - which was smaller than it usually was - stopped to stare at the three of them, and then started laughing louder. "Catching those bastards?" Sirius asked. "A little--" Remus put a hand on his shoulder; Sirius was going for his wand. "I'd be discreet," he said. "No one would know."

"It's not worth losing an arm over," James said. "Plus you'll make us look bad if you lose."

"Come on now, I wouldn't--"

"There's a dozen of them," Remus said quietly, and tried to tug Sirius down, "and right now, three of us." It was true; they were a bit early for dinner, and most of the other sixth and seventh year prefects that would have gladly backed them up weren't down yet.

"Besides," James told Sirius, frowning, "there's a horde of younger years in here. If you're going to roast somebody, best make it private."

Sirius nodded, and then sighed. He sat grudgingly. "Yeah, sorry," he said. "Thanks."

"Don't worry," Remus said, eyes hard, "we're not the least bit less interested in taking them on. But let's save it for later."

"Lad, since when are you the scrapping type?" James asked, grinning.

"Since they tried to take out a whole shop full of us, that's when," Remus answered. He speared a potato savagely. Sirius put a hand on his knee, and Remus added, "Let's take a look at the Quidditch pitch tonight."

~

"Where are you three headed in such a hurry?" Peter said. He was scribbling out a revision for something or other.

Sirius hopped off his bed, sticking his shoes on hastily, waving his wand to tie the laces. Poor Peter had been stuck inside for weeks, trying to stuff his head full of facts and figures. Sirius pitied him, knowing just how hard he was going to have to work to pass any of his exams. Sirius was also extremely glad, watching Peter, that he didn't have to worry about studying. There but for the grace of intelligence.

James messed Peter's hair up, making the other boy scowl as he pulled another book from the pile on his dresser. "Going to do a spot of investigating. Quidditch changerooms. Care to join us?"

Peter looked at his books, disgusted. Sirius felt another momentary flash of pity. "I'd best not. "

Remus shook his head sympathetically. "If it's any help, my notes and things are on my bed."

"I don't have any notes to offer," Sirius added. All of his schoolwork was shoved haphazardly under his bed, rather than in neat piles on the dresser like Remus. He said, "but I'll bring you back something from the kitchens."

"Thanks," Peter answered. "I don't know as it'll help, but maybe even reading someone else's writing--"

"Someone who can write neatly enough that you can read it?" James asked. "My essay's on the table between our beds."

"You're the best," Peter told them. "I wish I could come, we haven't done anything fun in ages."

"Can't be helped," Sirius said. He chuckled. "Not that any of my work would help regardless. Still, I promise food."

"Well, then," and Peter grinned. "You'd better tell me what you find."

"Don't worry." James peered out the portrait hole, then motioned for Sirius and Remus to go ahead of him, "everything. It'll be like you were with us."

"Though - I'm not sure that I'd call this fun," Remus murmured, as the three of them quickly got under James's Invisibility Cloak. Sirius grabbed his hand, which did make it easier for the three of them to fit under the Cloak, Sirius's arm around Remus's waist keeping them tucked together. Remus knew, more space had nothing to do with it.

~

"They must have cleaned up, you can't even see the," and he stopped, and then continued, "the ropes are missing."

Sirius opened his mouth, said, "was there," and then stopped too; James was spinning around slowly, ignoring him and Remus, looking for something in the roof beams that only he could see. James appeared to be staring up at the underside of the bleachers as hard as he could, as if the slow motion would jog his memory or make some kind of clue jump out at him. All it was accomplishing, however, was to make Sirius extremely dizzy.

"Stop that," Sirius said, grabbing James to stop the motion. "I'm getting seasick."

Remus held his wand up, the end glowing brightly in Sirius's eyes. "Nothing here," he said, shrugging. "Either the teachers made sure that all traces of," and he swallowed, "that there was no, evidence left, when they reversed the spell, or whoever it was--" and Sirius made a choked sound in his throat, "--was careful enough that there was no evidence, and the,"

"illusion," Sirius finished for him, while Remus groped for a word, "was the only evidence."

James sighed. "There wasn't much, even when we." He frowned. "I don't think there's anything to see, I made you two come out here for nothing." Sirius waited for James to say more, to explain what they were looking for but James just added, "I'm trying to remember something that might help? But there's nothing. I was so focused on flying, getting some practice in."

Sirius and Remus glanced at each other. "We'd best be getting back," Remus finally said. "We're not doing anyone any good skulking around outside."

"Least we could be doing is having a bit of fun," Sirius told James. He tilted his head, and then transformed into his Animagus form, threatening to lick James.

"Eugh!" and James pushed him away. "Honestly, Padfoot, you're a smashing friend, but you make a horrible pet. Stop slobbering on my robes, go lick Remus if you must."

Sirius watched the shadows of the trees as they made their way across the grounds. They were still tucked under the invisibility cloak, three fully grown boys huddled under a thin layer of fabric. He started to ask, once or twice, how Remus thought they'd been doing it, what James thought the teachers would do. He never did ask who, because after they saw a joke shop in Hogsmeade go up in flames the term before, the answer to that question was self-evident, was obvious as the moon rising. The mystery, these days, was never 'who' but 'how'.

There was no moon; the cloak flapped in the wind and uncovered their ankles. Sirius tucked the cloak around them all more tightly as the three of them crept back inside. Right before they went to bed, James muttered, "perhaps we should be trailing the suspects. It's not like there's a long list, after all."

~

"Are you sure?" Remus said, and stuffed some toast into his food satchel. "We've got a lot of--"

Sirius added some sausages and bacon to the sack, and then as an afterthought a few eclairs. "We have enough time to take a few minutes for ourselves, yeah?"

"That's disgusting," Remus told him. "Eclairs and bacon?"

"It'll be good, now come on."

Sirius led the way out to the grounds, and they ducked out of sight. So close to exams, nearly every student was holed up and studying; the grounds were almost deserted. "Look at that," Sirius said, waving his arm around to encompass the courtyard. "It looks almost peaceful."

"Nice, isn't it?" Sirius tugged Remus out across the grounds and to the Forest, checking every once in a while to make sure that no one was following them. Didn't hurt to be careful. "And just where are we going, anyway?" Remus asked him.

"Just past the scrub," Sirius said. "Find a shady spot, away from prying eyes."

"If you think I'm going to fool around outside, in the Forbidden--"

Sirius rolled his eyes, stumbling over a tree root. He tried to save himself, turning it into a rather ungraceful choice to sit down rather than a fall. "Here looks good." He peered into their breakfast sack. "And we're not going to fool around, you twat. I just thought we might sneak away for a bit."

"Do we really--"

"Before you start the long march to exams," Sirius added, and handed him some toast. It was only a little chocolate-y. Remus frowned, but started eating. "Besides, I have something to ask you." He made a little face, half between a grin and a wince. "What are you going to do after school?" Sirius asked quickly.

Remus looked a bit taken aback, and Sirius bit his lip. "I, well."

"Not." Sirius licked his lips. "I mean, do you know where you're going to be living?"

"Well--"

"Because, you know," and Sirius started tearing apart an eclair, "my uncle set up that money for me, and I've been working and I have a place," and Sirius ate a bit of eclair, but kept talking with his mouth full, "and I thought, perhaps. What are your plans?"

"I'm honestly," Remus said carefully - Sirius thought he might have been waiting for him to interrupt again, which was quite sensible of Remus, seeing as how Sirius felt like he hadn't stopped talking since they'd sat down - "not sure. Mentally I was trying to not cry like a little baby over the fact that the most important exams in our lives are three weeks away."

"So you don't have, any idea for," and Sirius threw a bit of eclair into the bushes. Something very quiet scuttled over to take a taste; they could tell just from the faint noise of cracking underbrush. "For roommates, or."

"Sirius," Remus asked, and wiped chocolate from his hands with a napkin as if it were the most normal conversation in the world, "are you wondering if I want to live with you?"

"It seems sensible, is all," Sirius finally answered. He felt exhausted suddenly, feeling seconds tick past, and tense, as if the whole idea - it was sensible, and it was a good plan, and it felt like a great, something - was preposterous, and he'd been arguing with Remus about it for days.

"It is sensible," Remus told him, still speaking in that slow, careful way. "But, do you really want to? I mean, there are a lot of, things." He ducked his head, for a second. "There'll be no Shrieking Shack, no forest. Being a werewolf outside of school is going to be a lot. Well."

Sirius studied him. "What?"

"Harder," Remus finally replied. "And harder on whoever's with me."

"Pfft," Sirius replied, and laughed a little. He felt a little giddy; if this was Remus's objection, that it might be _harder_ \-- "that's the challenge."

"Well, it's--" and then Remus scratched his chin, swivelling his head around. He held a hand up, suddenly, and Sirius froze instantly. Remus had uncanny hearing, sometimes; maybe he just had a better sense of when he was being watched, or when other people were around.

Sirius listened as hard as he could, and he thought he heard a voice, distant. He stood up very carefully, silencing his shoes with his wand. Remus followed suit, and they picked their way agonizingly slowly through brambles and bushes, following the faint sounds of people. They trailed the noises all the way around the Forest's edge, but by the time they reached the lake, the noises had disappeared completely.

Remus crept to the very edge of the underbrush while Sirius waited, staring over at the water's edge.

"Well," he murmured to Sirius when he'd got back to where Sirius was sitting, "I think we know what the voices were - too bad we weren't close enough to actually hear the spell itself."

Sirius squinted at the water. There was - something was in the water. "Is." He gripped his wand, had it pointing at the lake - he hadn't even realized he was clutching it up until then. "Should I pull out my mirror? Is it."

Remus looked around once more, and then straightened up. "They're gone," he said. "And yes."

Sirius's feet took him closer to the lake, still skirting the Forest. Something was floating in the shallows, he could tell, and when he got closer--

The body couldn't have been more than five years old, judging from the size. Face-down, whoever it had been was quite still. The surface of the lake rippled a little bit in the wind, and the hair moved gently in the current. Blond. Bloated. Blue-skinned from the water, a hint of green algae right around the nape of her neck.

The little girl had drowned.


	3. my life

Sirius had five whole minutes to himself in the sunshine, standing very much alone by the water's edge, and then McGonagall, Dumbledore, Flitwick, the Madam, Remus, and James came to relieve him of guard duty.

"How are you?" Remus asked quietly. The two of them had shuffled off to the side, and had their backs to the water. Whatever Dumbledore had done managed to keep the students away from the scene, a small mercy. Sirius couldn't handle watching the teachers try and fish the body out of the water; Remus had a hand cupped round his elbow carefully.

"Peachy," Sirius said. "What's James doing?"

Remus turned his head a little bit. "Crouching, a little ways off."

"We should," and Sirius shook himself out gently. "All right. We have to go talk to him. This is insanity."

James was staring out at nothing. Sirius stepped carefully. "What's up, fellow?"

"Did you hear," James said slowly, thickly, "the one about the three goblins that go into a bar? One says 'that's not my'--" and then he stopped talking, shaking his head slowly. "This is too much." James stood up. "This has gone too far. We have to do something."

Sirius distinctly heard Dumbledore say to the other staff members, "something must be done," echoing James.

~

Lily held her hand out. "Where are you going?" she said. "I thought we were going to--" and then she stopped mid-sentence, and Sirius knew that was code for either 'a closet' or 'good of the school'.

James nodded. "We were." He looked at Sirius, eyes dark and not grinning, and Sirius thought, 'good of the school'. "But it has come to our attention that some investigation might be in order."

Lily was already standing, stepping into her shoes, when James cleared his throat. "What," she said, "you don't want me to go? Where are you going?"

Sirius knew that tone; she was getting ready to be a little bit angry at their solidarity. He was about to say something, hopefully placating, when Remus spoke instead. "We need you to cover for us," he said. "Since you're more trustworthy than Peter, and he's occupied already."

"And someone has to stay here and keep an eye on things since the professors are all occupied elsewhere," she finished quietly. McGonagall had taken to spending her two days on the weekend in London; Dumbledore came and went inexplicably, constantly. Lily said, "I can do that. Tonight."

James let out his breath. "Tomorrow night," he said, "we'll swap. Can't all keep disappearing."

Lily nodded; Sirius got the feeling that she was deeply disturbed about something, but couldn't think what. Maybe it was just tension, about exams and school and life and everything. Truth be told, everyone was deeply disturbed lately, and they had a plethora of reasons to choose from. Maybe Lily didn't even know why herself. "Get going," she said.

~

They decided to watch the front entryway, Sirius transforming into his Animagus form while James and Remus huddled under the Invisibility Cloak. It was a risk, showing his form in the school, but even cramped in a closet, the three of them couldn't fit under the Cloak well. Thankfully, Peter - having drawn the short straw earlier - had got himself caught with some dungbombs, and was now scouring out some of the nastier parts of the dungeon by hand, Filch and Mrs. Norris guarding him.

"At least, we hope," Remus said, and Sirius-the-dog nodded.

"Peter's sneaky," James answered. Sirius found it a little distracting to hear their voices coming from nowhere yet so close, but seeing as how it was fairly common - the Invisibility Cloak often having been used to scare first years in the common room as well as much for more elaborate purposes - he figured it must be because this was the first time he'd been witness to it as a dog. He could smell them, hear their voices, and he kept craning his furry head around to try and catch sight.

"--manage?"

Sirius shook his head rapidly, feeling his ears flop back and forth. Remus stifled a little laugh, and James whispered, "he'll manage. He's got some other tricks with him, so if nothing else, he'll turn Mrs. Norris pink."

"Is he up for it?" Remus asked. "I hate to say it, but Peter often--"

"He'll do it," James whispered back. "He's reliable. Plus I promised him a galleon."

"You had to _bribe_ him?" Remus said.

"Well, he wasn't going to do it for nothing, miss out on catching those snakes red-handed, and get detention," and James shrugged. "Would you?"

Sirius-the-dog licked Remus's hand as Remus said, "well, no," and then "that's disgusting, stop that," and then he peered out of the closet carefully. "Nothing's happening," Remus said. Sirius sniffed the air carefully. No scents were about, no one drawing closer. The entry to the school was deserted. "Perhaps we'd best."

James carefully stretched a leg out from under the Cloak. One lone foot appeared. "Let's check upstairs. Sirius, can you go ahead to smell for, you know," and James waved his arm around.

Sirius sighed mentally, nodded his head, and nosed the closet door open. Sniffing carefully, he trotted to the stairs, pausing every so often to sneak behind a suit of armor or hop behind a pillar. In the dark his black fur would be hardly noticeable. At least, he hoped.

"Go on," James whispered from behind him. "First floor first, though mind you keep away from McGonagall's office."

Sirius padded up the stairs obediently, continuing to listen and smell for anyone roaming around. Once, he had to flatten his body against the wall, hearing Peeves' voice calling out, but the poltergeist didn't appear; he assumed Peeves had gone a different way. Sirius still waited nearly five minutes before moving again.

"Psst," Remus said. "I can't see a thing under here." He stepped out from under the Cloak, and looked around. "Let's carry it, it's more sensible."

"More sensible," James murmured, "would be to split up."

Remus crouched down in the shadow of a gargoyle. "But unfortunately, only our fuzzy friend here can tell when anyone's coming," and Sirius obediently licked Remus's hand again. "Eugh. Stop that." He tried to peer through a solid wall. "I miss the Map."

Sirius put his nose to the floor, smelling carefully. It was odd, having dog senses rather than human, but after over two years of it, he'd gotten quite proficient at making the best of them. They crept past McGonagall's office holding their collective breath, but for nothing - she was snoring lightly, Sirius suspected asleep in her chair. No one appeared to be around, no one out of bed. Nothing amiss, everyone tucked right in--

He bit James's leg, just enough to get his attention, and then tried as best he could to melt into shadow, transforming back into a human desperately. James and Remus looked at each other, but thankfully James did as Sirius hoped he would and threw the Cloak around them all.

"--have to be here," someone was muttering. "I know it."

Sirius pulled his wand out; and then Snape shuffled around the corner, peering intently at his shoes.

James barely moved, but Sirius heard "petrificus," and then Snape froze, eyes bulging and bag dropping from his hands.

Remus muttered, "you're _not_ serious--" and then James stepped out.

"Hello, there," he said. "Bad habit, muttering as you're rounding corners." Snape seemed unwilling or unable to answer. Sirius stayed against the wall. James, he noticed, still had his wand out. Probably afraid Snape - if he could move at all - would try and kill him the moment his back was turned. "What are you doing out of bed?"

Snape stared at him.

"I'm betting it wasn't anything nice, was it?" James said quietly. His jaw was clenched, and he was speaking with great effort, though the tone was relatively mild. It was still much more pleasant than Sirius would have been able to manage. "So where are all your friends?"

Snape, too, was clutching his wand, but really couldn't move. "I was," Snape said with effort, jaw locked, "I was." Sirius would have bet ten Galleons he was trying to come up with a good lie, whilst trying to unlock his mouth. His jaw worked. "I was - following you."

Remus stepped forward. "That's not true," he said. "So what really?"

Snape's fingers were moving, Sirius noticed. "Ah, fellows," he muttered, and then closed his eyes. There was - yes, there it was. There was a sound coming, like the tapping of footsteps. "Someone's coming."

Remus had his arms crossed, and he glanced at his watch, digital readout just visible. "What should we do about him?"

"Well, he's not likely to tell anyone we were out of bed," James said, and shook his head. "In truth, I don't care. Let's just leave him for his head of House to find in the morning."

"Are you sure?" Remus asked. "We could maybe--"

There were footsteps coming down the hall, and James and Sirius and Remus looked at each other, and then they fled.

~

"Detention?" James interrupted. "Snape?"

Lily said, "It appears he was out near the portrait of those three monks last night."

Sirius looked at James; James winced a little. "Was he."

"That's not all, though. This morning," Lily said, "They found another, another body," and then she glanced over to the Slytherin table suspiciously, "right around the corner from there."

All four of them stopped what they were doing - Sirius gave up on his porridge, and James put down his quill. "Another."

Lily leaned closer. "McGonagall told me this morning. Apparently," and she swallowed, "she nearly tripped over it this morning. She fell asleep in her office."

"We knew that," James answered absently, "we heard her snoring last night."

Lily was gripping her hands together, hidden between a bowl of sugar and a platter of buns. Sirius could see them only because he was sitting directly across from her. Lily, he realized, was scared. "She was upset," Lily said, "I don't think I've ever seen her that upset. Thank goodness she found it, though--"

"Instead of someone else," James finished for her.

"Did they find anything?" Peter asked suddenly. His voice carried a little too far, and Theresa and a friend looked up at them. Peter flushed, and immediately stared down at his plate. Sirius had all but forgotten Peter was sitting beside him. "I mean," Peter whispered, "this morning? McGonagall?"

"Other than Severus's book around the corner?" Lily narrowed her eyes. "Not a thing, just like before. It was lucky that Flitwick found him down the hall. He was just trying to get away. I still, I can't believe he would be--"

"The charm must have finally worn off," James murmured, and then shrugged when Lily stared at him. "So he's in detention."

"Yes, but that's not all."

Sirius felt concern creeping into his expression. "They don't think it was him, do they?" For a moment, he looked supremely guilty. "I mean, we--" and then he hastily corrected, "he was immobilized."

They turned to watch Professor Dumbledore beckon Snape from his breakfast. For the second time in Sirius's life that he could recall, Dumbledore appeared angry.

"So he wasn't involved. Though it appears Dumbledore thinks otherwise," Lily said, drumming her fingernails on the table. "What are you going to do about it, James?"

"I suppose one of us had best tell Dumbledore what we did to Snape."

Remus was just coming up, tucking his books away. "Tell who why?"

"It looks like Snape's taking the blame for something he was a little too incapacitated to carry out," Sirius explained. He tried to sound glib, but he looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"I heard McGonagall talking to Flitwick just now," Remus said. He sat beside Sirius and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, putting marmalade on a piece of toast. "I'll go," he said. "Better not have the Head Boy or head troublemaker confess in person."

James looked around. "Are you going to tell him what we were doing out of bed?"

"Of course," and Remus started scarfing down toast. "I think that, with all that's going on, it's best we show Dumbledore we're trustworthy."

As he got up again, Sirius murmured, "Are we?"

James shrugged, and Lily looked away.


	4. everyone knows

"So, Lupin," Professor McGonagall said. She eyed him from behind her spectacles, and Remus became slightly more uneasy. "Well?"

Remus cleared his throat. "It's about Severus Snape."

"Yes?"

"He was immobilized," Remus said quickly, "at eleven thirty last night." He paused. "I don't think he would have been able to get free without help."

"I see," said Professor McGonagall. She continued to gaze at him.

"And at eleven thirty," he added, belated, "the hallway with the latest, er. Prank. It was clear." They'd wandered past McGonagall's office not three minutes before they'd caught Snape out of bed; there was no way he could have done anything in those three minutes without Remus knowing.

"I see." She thought a moment. "Given your friendship with the Head Girl, may I assume it is from them that you acquired this information?" Remus stared at her. "About the latest - prank." Remus nodded, feeling uneasy. McGonagall was acting very strangely. "Very well," she said. "I trust this information will stay between the five of you," and here she allowed herself to smile a little. "Seeing as how there appear to be no secrets you can keep from each other."

Remus nodded. "We can stay quiet." He was still waiting for her to begin questioning him on his whereabouts, and how exactly Snape came to be jinxed at all.

Instead, McGonagall added, "This unnecessary confession shows maturity on your part, Remus. You risk detention in telling me this, and to keep a student you loathe out of trouble."

"We - we want to help," Remus blurted. "If we can."

McGonagall looked at him sharply, but not in anger. Remus got the uncomfortable feeling that she was sizing him up. "In time," she finally said quietly, "that offer may be accepted. Until then, do pass your N.E.W.T.S." She paused. "Especially your Defense exams."

Remus nodded; they fully intended to come out with top marks in those if nothing else. "You may find it useful," she added casually, "to learn how to create a true Patronus, if you can." Remus was taken aback - even most N.E.W.T. level students were unable.

"In fact," McGonagall added, as if something extremely important had just occurred to her, "if the five of you would like some extra lessons." She was frowning, thinking rapidly. "Yes. There's so little time, and it's not usually something I'd tutor in, given that it does not show up on the actual exam, but as Dumbledore is so busy," and her head suddenly snapped up to stare at him again. "Tomorrow night, my classroom."

Remus hesitated. "Why? Does it have anything to do with Frank Longbottom and what happened last--"

"You would like to help," she said gravely. "Part of that is, and always will be, not asking why." Remus nodded, head spinning wildly. She added, "Convince Lily and James, if you can."

"They'll be there," Remus told her.

"And do not," she added carefully, "mention this to anyone else."

Remus shook his head. He had no intention of doing anything of the sort.

~

"Extra tutoring?" Sirius said. "Are you mad?"

Remus sighed. "McGonagall was quite adamant."

"But--"

"Sirius," Remus said, "you don't have to go if you don't want to, all right?" Remus opened his notes on the last jinxes they'd been learning. Their first N.E.W.T. was barely two weeks away.

Sirius sat down beside him and was uncharacteristically silent. Finally, he said, "you know, I've been thinking a lot about things - since, well. Since last term."

Remus knew exactly to what Sirius was referring; he thought he might never get those few moments of utter terror out of his memory. He still felt guilty every time he thought about it - James had taken charge immediately while he'd simply panicked about where Sirius might be.

"Remus?"

"Yes," he said, going back to the jinxes.

"I think." Sirius started again. "I want us to come to some kind of agreement."

Remus looked at him blankly. It was true they'd been seeing each other for most of the year, off and on for ages. It was also true that this last year, they'd been closer than before, but -

"I just think," Sirius was saying, "that - it's just important. It is to me."

Remus was silent as he watched Sirius get up and go to bed.

~

The next morning the only thing people could talk about was the grotesque illusion the first years found near the greenhouses. Not one singular body this time, but severed limbs, heads, more. The reports differed. It was obvious however, that whoever had done it had gotten quite creative. The group of ten children were currently sitting drinking hot cocoa in their dorm room, being fussed over by the Madam. Three of them had thrown up.

"We have to do something," Lily said to Remus at breakfast, clenching the handle of her spoon so tightly her hands were going white. Everyone else - being James and Sirius, with Peter trailing along behind - had disappeared, probably to check the greenhouses out. "Theresa! Come over here."

Remus watched Theresa and Lily instructing the prefects for a schedule of subtle patrols through the halls. He didn't notice himself bending his own cutlery handle until he accidentally banged his knuckles on the tabletop. The sharp noise made Lily's head swing around instantly.

Remus would have bet his last ten Knuts he had she'd already gone for her wand.

~

"--nothing," Peter whispered in their study period.

Remus had been staring at his book, alternating between disgust at himself, and panic. In literally a month they were going to be done school, and before that he was going to have to get through one more full moon (two days), learn how to create a Patronus (six hours), figure out what to do about what Sirius had said (who knew when), and pass his exams. That wasn't even counting the very real attempt that someone was making to wreak havoc within the school itself.

"Not a trace?" Remus whispered back. It was no use; he'd never be able to concentrate on his notes. Sirius's question was the first thing pushed to the back of his mind; if he could get through the next month, then maybe he could give him an answer. Schoolwork, unfortunately, was a close second. The exams seemed impossibly far off; time was moving so very slowly, and the entirety of it was taken up by things other than notes and classes - things like danger. "Not even a spell remnant?"

"People are saying that it can't be amateur magic, that it has to be really powerful witches or wizards," Peter murmured, and then stared fixedly at his desk as the professor glared at them, as if she'd caught them out being naughty. Remus dismissed her from his mind nearly as swiftly as he'd dismissed the chance of studying.

"I heard they saw," but Remus was loath to say it out loud. Saying it out loud made it true, gave the nebulous rumour form. He didn't want to do anything of the sort.

"I heard goblins, trolls, a giant, marshmallows, and, well." Peter looked disgusted for a moment. "Severed heads on pikes."

"What was it, really?" Remus said quietly.

"Don't know," Peter told him as the class finally ended. Remus gathered his things up quickly, simply grateful that the class was over. Class was just one more thing that they had to get through before anything useful could be done. It used to be that 'useful' translated to 'mayhem'.

"James was supposed to meet us, he was going to fill us in," Remus started, but then ducked to the side as Rodolphus Lestrange and one of his friends pushed their way past him and Peter. They didn't even look at either of them, preferring to shove them out of the way as if they were completely invisible.

Remus gritted his teeth and was going to mutter to Peter, and then Snape slid past him, head bowed. His bag was torn, and he was hugging it to his chest protectively. "What's in the bag?" Remus muttered, falling into step just a little behind Snape. Peter trailed after Remus, looking worried. For the first time, Snape said nothing. "So here's my question," Remus said, making sure to keep at least a foot behind Snape in case he decided to try anything. "Do you have any idea what the best way to create an illusion would be?"

Remus followed Snape down the second floor staircase, keeping an eye on both the back of his robes as well as Lestrange, who was heading down the hall, apparently ignoring his tails. "Because," Remus added, "I'm considering trying my hand at one, and I've heard you're the person to talk to."

"Remus," Peter warned, looking more worried. They were heading through the entry hall and straight for the stairs that led down to the Dungeons.

Remus pulled his wand out casually, obviously. Snape still hadn't acknowledged their existence. "What would it take to create a flesh and blood illusion?" he asked. They were on the first step to the Dungeons. The light was getting a little lower, and the faint smell of lake water was already evident, air moist and a little humid. "Because that's a hell of a spell, getting someone to feel dead, as well as look dead."

"We shouldn't--" Peter started, but fell silent. They descended the stairs in silence. Remus was wary, of course he was, but he was fairly certain that he could handle Snape. There were more important things to consider, like the question of why Snape was following Lestrange, rather than walking with him, and where Lestrange was going in the first place.

And Snape might know something. He might let something slip.

"Or is it too tough for you?" Remus asked politely, as if it had just occurred to him. "Can you not manage it? It would be difficult, true, maybe you're not able--"

It worked. "You'd start with combining the Fallacis charm with a Novus spell," Snape hissed, and then swivelled around. They'd made it to the bottom of the stairs; Lestrange was visible at the end of the hallway, talking to two other students. Snape continued hugging his bag to his chest. "It's magic probably too advanced for a half-breed," he sneered, eyes narrowed.

"Remus," Peter all but moaned, "come _on_."

It was probably time to get the bloody hell out of there, it was true, before anyone did anything potentially damaging. Remus nodded to Peter, and then looked once more at Lestrange, who was standing in the doorway. It was impossible to see what he was doing, but Remus didn't need details to know he didn't like the look of it. As he was squinting, Lestrange finally looked back and saw their odd little group. He stared at them for a minute. Snape saw Remus looking behind him, whipped around, and saw Lestrange, too. After a moment, Lestrange very carefully closed the door to the Potions classroom.

Remus backed away from Snape a few steps. "Looks like you're late for class," he said. Peter was nearly halfway up the stairs. Remus waited for Snape to retaliate, draw his wand - half of him almost wanted him to. But Snape just stared at him with loathing, until Remus backed all the way up to the landing.

He still didn't put his wand away until he was safely in the Entrance Hall. Of course, it was deserted, and any number of tricks could be let loose. Still. Safer. Remus kept his fist closed around his wand, even in his pocket. It was ingrained habit now, and Remus very much doubted he'd ever shake it.


	5. not how it happens

"Thought you'd be late for dinner," James said as the two of them sat down. Peter was blotchy pink, the way he looked right before he had to do anything really difficult in class, his look of fear. Remus saw his hands tremble. "We were going to send out a search."

"Us?" Remus said, and clapped James on the back. "We're fine. Tip-top."

"Visited the Dungeons, looking for a change of scenery," Peter added. His voice cracked a little bit. "Interesting trip."

"You'll have to tell us all about it," James replied. "We also need to figure out who else has spare time for the younger years--" and then Lily and Sirius sat down.

"I cannot believe your girlfriend, Potter," Sirius said. "She nearly took my head off in our study session."

Lily calmly started serving for everyone. Only then did Remus notice there was actually food in front of him. His thoughts had been going around and around in circles so much that he'd all but forgotten eating, drinking. There were too many other things on his mind. "It was supposed to be practice for the practical exam," she explained, patiently dishing up the mashed potatoes.

"Your girlfriend is a menace," Sirius said. "How's the escort service?"

James glared at him. "Very well, thank you," and then he sighed. "As I was going to say, it's working better than we'd imagined. Between Gus and me, we sorted out someone to herd all the lowerclassmen to and fro for the whole week. In truth, they were glad of it."

"They're scared," Lily replied, spooning out the bowl of carrots next. "The second years I was with last hour practically ran from the greenhouses back to their common rooms."

Remus immediately felt guilty. "Do you need any more volunteers?" and James nodded. Of course he did. Remus told him, "I have fifth and sixth free tomorrow."

"Have you considered asking the teachers?" Peter asked gingerly. Remus didn't miss the little tremble still in his hands. "After all, this is a little out of our--"

"They're busy, haven't you noticed?" James told him curtly. "We were asked to take care of it. They're all still looking for," and he looked at the tabletop. "Clues."

"Start with Novus spells and the Fallacis charm, then," Remus said suddenly. "Peter and I followed Snape just now, and he let it slip."

Sirius immediately turned around to look across the hall. Only a few Slytherin students were eating at the table. Remus thought for a moment. It had been a while since they'd seen that table even half-full. "You went on your own? With _Peter_?" Sirius asked. "Are you mental?"

"We were fine," Remus answered. "Lit hallways, watched our backs."

"Regardless," James interrupted, "I can't believe his fucking nerve. He actually told you that?"

"He was following some of the other Slytherins to the Dungeons," Remus answered. "I, well," and he looked sheepish. "I goaded him until he was mad enough to tell me. Seemed quite proud that he could finally let someone in on it, to be honest."

"It's sick," Lily said, looking completely disgusted. "If _only_ we could catch them."

Remus still hadn't eaten a bite of food. He wasn't even hungry. Theresa and a friend came into the hall, after watching the first years sit down in a group together, and joined them. "I don't know what's worse," she said, low, "lying to them about the fact that they're perfectly safe, or having to check around every corner before we go around it in case there's something else horrific to see."

James stared at his plate. "It takes a while to set up the illusion," he said, "so I think it has to be done at night, when they'd have enough privacy." Remus saw Sirius sit up a little straighter; they'd nearly caught whoever it was in broad daylight, out at the lake - but no need for anyone else to know about it. Not quite yet.

Theresa's friend - Remus thought her name was Tracy, and he thought she was in Hufflepuff - was hovering over her shoulder. "Sit down, by all means," Lily said, belatedly. "Like the House tables mean a damn thing anymore."

Tracy sat. "Martha wants to talk to you two," she said, looking at James and Lily, "tomorrow night. She said eight thirty, Prefects' study. Full on meeting for the upper levels at nine." Tracy suddenly flushed. "I mean, she wanted to ask if that was all right. She knows you're the Head Boy and Girl, but--"

James cut her off. "We'll be there. Eight thirty. Everyone at nine. Do the teachers know the sixth and seventh years will be out of their common rooms that late?"

Theresa nodded. "Martha told her Head, she said she'd take care of it." Her plate was empty; she hadn't even gone for the food. "Besides," she added, twisting her hands around her napkin, "not all sixth and seventh years. Just Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Gryffindor."

Remus looked up and saw McGonagall standing in the archway, looking at them. Her face was as composed as ever, but she tapped her wristwatch, and raised an eyebrow. Remus glanced at his own watch, and saw it was nearly six thirty; they'd have two hours for her tutorial, if that. "I think we have to see a lady about a spell, chaps," he muttered, and then added, "and lady."

Lily stood up. "Eight thirty," she said, and everyone else stood up, too. "And I admit," she added, "the thought of any of the Slytherins up past nine has already depressed me."

Remus looked back at their corner of the table; there were their plates, untouched. Peter slotted himself between James and Sirius automatically, and his eyes darted around the room. Lily walked out without even a glance to anyone else; James had his arms crossed and stared at her back. Sirius started to follow Peter, but then looked back at Remus, and reached over to grab Remus's hand.

Remus was fairly sure that when Lily had said 'depressed' what she really meant was 'scared'.

~

"This is unlikely," McGonagall said, "to come up on even the most difficult N.E.W.T." The five of them were standing in the center of her classroom, wands out and rather nervous. "Ideally," she continued, "we would do this with a Boggart. However, if I recall your Defense Against the Dark Arts classes in third year, instead of a Dementor we would be dealing with a headless corpse," and she looked at Sirius, "a giant slug," and she looked at Peter, "tarantulas," and she looked at Lily, "perhaps your family," and she levelled a much gentler gaze on James and finally Remus, as she finished, "and the moon. Therefore, we'll just have to make do. We'll try with a Boggart later."

"Professor," and Remus glanced to Sirius.

"What?" she asked impatiently, already extinguishing most of the candles in the classroom.

"Why are we doing this?" Remus asked. The unspoken question was clear; if the magic was not going to be on their exams, why, exactly, did she want them to know. In truth, it was half rhetorical, the answer obvious enough, at least the general answer - last week the Dementors made the front page of the news, having nearly caught two Aurors. Remus was hoping to get a little more concrete detail.

McGonagall gestured for the five of them to pull out their wands abruptly and gave every indication of not having heard him. But she did go over to the classroom door and close it firmly. As she locked the door with a wave of her wand, McGonagall murmured, "all in good time."

~

At breakfast, Remus looked over at the Hufflepuff table. He elbowed Sirius. "Look." A pretty girl with long red hair was crying disconsolately into her porridge. Sirius ignored him completely, didn't look up when James sat down beside him and threw parchment everywhere, didn't even look up at the catcalls from the table as Remus put an arm around his shoulders gently, kissing his neck. "Sirius," Remus said again.

"Do you think," Sirius answered him in a loud clear voice, "that there is _any_ way to escape birthright?"

His angry tone carried halfway down the table, and several people looked up. James frowned, looking a little helpless. No matter what was going on, it was very odd to see Sirius in such a bad temper, especially in public. Several Gryffindors looked up in alarm.

"What is it?" James said.

As an answer, Sirius threw his copy of the Daily Prophet down into his porridge angrily, splashing juice all over the table, and then stalked out of the hall.

James and Remus both leaned over at the same time and saw the headline "Black Promoted to Undersecretary to the Ministry of Magic." Beside the article, Sirius's great-aunt and uncle were smiling into the camera smugly. Down the third column on the page, nearly buried under an article for home-protection charms, was a hasty article that said the Ministry had called off the investigation into the explosion in Hogsmeade last month and officially declared it an accident.

It gave Remus little satisfaction to crumple up the paper, tearing the photograph in half - but he did it anyway.

~

"Snape? What's happened to him?" Remus asked James on the way to the Transfiguration classroom. "He looked fine at dinner last night."

"It seems," James answered, "that Snape had an accident last night."

"Caught out of bed again?" Remus asked, unusually savage.

"You know, I believe he was," James replied, keeping his voice quiet. Several of the Slytherin seventh years were trooping up the stairway, headed what Remus knew was the wrong way to their class. Remus slowed down just enough so that he and James would reach the bottom of the stairs as they disappeared down the second floor hallway. "It's very odd," James said suddenly.

"What?" Remus was peering up the stairs, looking to make sure Lestrange and his friends were gone.

James shook his head. "I don't know." He mounted the steps, and Remus knew he had his hand on his wand unconsciously. "Normally, were Snape to take a fall down the stairs, I'd point to Sirius as the culprit."

"But as Sirius was with me last night--" Remus frowned. Something wasn't adding up.

"It's just odd," James said again. "Anyway, how is that going? You two seem overly--" and he searched for a word.

"Involved?" Remus opened the Charms classroom door for James, saving him from having to answer. It was a very good question, regardless. The whole tutorial, Remus found himself having to push rather forcefully to keep it - rather than panic over more dangerous issues - out of his mind.

~

It was easier when, coming out of Charms, they were snatched away by McGonagall to examine an illusion near the Whomping Willow. "No one came out here until break," she told them. "We think it's been there since this morning."

While James looked at the scene, walking around and asking McGonagall wooden questions, Remus simply started at the teenager. He was face-down in the dirt, so Remus couldn't properly see his eyes, but thin cuts ran all down his bare back. The mouth, from the side profile, was open in a terrific grimace. Remus couldn't be sure, but it looked like he'd been tortured, clawed, to death.

"Remus," James said suddenly, appearing at his elbow, "we have to get out of here."

"Yes," Remus muttered. He stared at the boy, at the dirt on his skin, the long, shallow cuts. They were jagged, more the kind an animal would make. Any time they had to cut something up in Potions, Remus knew the cuts to be long and even, not jagged. Claws, then, he decided, and felt sick.

"Remus," James said, and tugged on his arm.

~

The meeting went on for an hour, and James and Lily managed to lie convincingly for nearly that long. Remus had no doubt that they'd managed to keep up the charade with the Prefects the whole hour before, as well. Near the end of the meeting, when Gus told them that Flitwick had allowed two more Ravenclaw students to return home, Remus saw Lily's teeth begin to grind together. He doubted that anyone else really noticed, since Peter wasn't looking at anyone, and Sirius was staring at a crack in the wall beside him, apparently paying no attention whatsoever.

Sirius had been quiet and angry all day. The four of them knew that he was full of rage, and they could do nothing to deflate that rage. In all honesty, Remus knew that Sirius's anger was justified.

"We're doing the best we can," James told them, and then his face slipped, and Remus saw him lose it - just for a minute, but it happened. James didn't believe himself when he said, "we're going to be fine."


	6. cords in the net

James volunteered to look around alone the next night. When everyone else protested, he pointed out that the easiest way to avoid anyone seeing him was to stay under the Cloak and silence himself. He'd be perfectly all right; no one could possibly catch him. Since it was a full moon, anyway, Remus was out, and Sirius had planned to join him, even if Peter and James were occupied.

"Are you certain?" Peter said. It was obvious he didn't relish the idea of wandering the castle half the night, but the thought of James doing it alone was downright foolish. "The teachers have been combing the halls hourly. What if they catch you?"

James was already stuffing the cloak into his satchel. "It's not," he said, low, "the teachers I'm most concerned about."

However, nearly an hour later and three close-calls with one or more of the professors almost running into him, James had to conclude that there couldn't be anything going on that night. There were far too many people about. He rounded another corner and dropped his satchel in surprise - McGonagall was moving rapidly down the hallway towards him, accompanied by the Madam.

He ducked behind a statue and whispered, "Accio!" desperately. His bookbag flew into his arms just as they neared the spot where it had been lying.

"How is he?" McGonagall asked Madam Pomfrey as the two of them passed near James's hiding spot.

"The poor boy can barely speak at all, Minerva, and he's already been in the hospital wing for nearly twenty-four hours," she answered, her footsteps echoing slightly. "And the second time in a week? It's a wonder Severus Snape's parents haven't been up to the school."

James nearly let them pass, hidden under the Cloak, but when he heard Madam Pomfrey say Snape's name, he raced to catch up as quickly as he dared. He managed to keep about five feet behind them and still hear their conversation.

James heard McGonagall snort. "I'm surprised he hasn't spent all his energy trying to accuse his attacker."

Madam Pomfrey shook her head. "Oh, he mentioned a few names--"

"Who?"

Madam Pomfrey answered, "James Potter and Sirius Black." McGonagall inhaled sharply. "Lying through his teeth, my wager," she added, "but quite insistent. I wonder who it really was."

"That's to be expected," McGonagall said wearily. "I'll have to question them, I suppose."

James stopped, allowing them to drift off down the halls in opposite directions - extremely unnerved by what he'd heard.

~

"Where were you boys the night before last?" McGonagall asked. It might have been James's imagination, but she looked incredibly weary, and none too annoyed.

James replied, "we were in the Prefects' study, in that meeting, until maybe ten - and then we ended up going back to the Common Room. Remus wanted to study, and rest before the moon."

"And you two weren't studying?" she asked sternly, though it looked quite like she was trying not to smile.

Sirius answered, "They say the best way to study is to aid others."

"You were not," she said, "out and about the castle?" After a moment, she added, "no penalty would be awarded for that," and then she sighed, and James decided she looked much more than weary. "I think the days of giving you two detentions for mischief has passed."

"We stayed in," James answered truthfully. "The," and he winced a little bit, "the second years were up until nearly midnight. We sat up with them. I think they were afraid to go to bed."

"I see," McGonagall said softly. "Well, then," she added, "you've got people who can verify where you were. That's good," she said. "That's good." She looked at the little fireplace in her office; a fire blazed merrily, though it was June. James wondered if she was expecting company. "I am going to give you two an instruction now," McGonagall said, "and I want you all to follow it. Do you understand?"

Sirius and James nodded. The fire spat, and a spark landed on the carpet by McGonagall's foot.

"Good." She stared at them through her glasses. "Do not, please, do anything during the day." She folded her hands. "No matter what you might consider, no matter what you might think you might accomplish, please. It is imperative that during the day, the school remain quiet. We cannot have duels in Hogwarts." She glanced at the fire again. "Not now."

James blinked, mind racing. While Sirius nodded, James said quietly, "We understand, Professor, and we won't." He turned to leave, and then added, "Professor, what would it have meant if we hadn't stayed in?"

"You're dismissed," she told them and turned to a stack of parchments. James couldn't see what they were; he had a pretty good feeling that they weren't anything to do with schoolwork.

Outside, Sirius glanced at his watch. "Charms class in ten minutes," and then made an annoyed face. "I'm not going, there's no point."

"Feel like practising the Patronus charm for a little while?" James headed upstairs, instead of towards their class. "I can't believe we still can't get it."

"It just takes concentration," Sirius answered, absently sending a volley of sparks into the air. Two third year Hufflepuff students in front of them let out twin-screams and jumped around, faces terrified. "Sorry," he said to the two girls softly.

"We can try in the dorm room," James said.

Remus was already in the Tower, reading his revision for the thousandth time. No one else was about; all the other upper levels were guiding the lower school. "Come on, lad," James said. "Spot us for the Patronus charm."

"I can't believe you two aren't studying," he told them, strained. James patted him on the head. Remus was looking quite sick; the full moon was always a strain, and he really should still have been in hospital. James bet that he'd managed to convince the Madam to let him go in order to go over class notes.

Sirius went over to where he was sitting and gently pried the parchment from his fingers. "Come on, now," he said, "you're going to go for a bit of a rest, and then we'll get some lunch."

Remus didn't even resist as Sirius pulled him up, keeping an arm around his shoulders. James suspected very much that Sirius was holding him upright. "You know more class work than the two of us will ever forget," James told him.

They practised in the room, even though it was really too cramped for it. Sirius could already produce a wispy silvery mist, vaguely shaped like an animal - though which was still unclear - and James the same, but for some reason Remus couldn't get more than a faint silvery mist, like fog off the river. "I don't think you're concentrating hard enough," James told Remus, after his fifth try and nothing.

Remus dropped his arm, sagging. "Yes, well," he said matter-of-factly, "the thought of what I am keeps interfering with the spell."

Sirius reached over to put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. James fiddled with his shoe.

~

Dumbledore was talking to a shorter man with a suspicious look and a wooden leg, when James spied him after his Transfiguration class. It must have been the famous Auror, Moody.

James leaned over to where Remus was already pulling out notes for another class; one of Sirius's lectures, not his own, with squiggles and cramped writing all over the parchment. Remus was holding the pieces upside down. "Do you know who that is?" James asked Remus quietly.

Remus held the pages up to his mouth, hid his lips from view of the world. "Of course I do," he murmured back. "Moody's famous just for his ability to walk away from threats that would kill other wizards ten times over."

"Have a bit of that ourselves," James dropped, unthinking. He bit his lip, glanced at Remus, glanced away. Since last year, such a statement was thoughtless in front of Remus, was thoughtless still. It was also, he considered a little bitterly, tempting fate.

Remus didn't seem angry; he was leaning against the banister casually, attempting to look nonchalant while trying to stay perfectly still, blend into the scenery. It appeared he wasn't going to answer James, but then after a long pause, he asked quietly, "Wonder what he's doing here."

"Maybe he's overseeing our defensive exams next week," James said weakly. The excuse would never fly; neither of them believed it. His words hung in the air, strangely loud even after he'd said them, a bald-faced lie that neither he nor Remus would own up to seeing through.

Moody turned to face them, training his face on first James, then Remus, and back again, to stare, not blinking, at James. "I think he wants something from you, old chap," Remus murmured.

Usually when one or both of them uttered something like that, it was in a manner to suggest vague threat, dire consequences, possibly a detention involving silver polish. This time, despite the dire threat, silver polish was the furthest thing from James's mind; he stared back at the Auror, not flinching no matter how much he wanted to.

~

"You," and James felt a hand gripping his forearm. "Knew your father, y'know."

James felt a pang in his belly and the man's painful grip. Moody. "You did?"

"Good man," he said, and then, "Dumbledore's told me a bit about you." He let go, suddenly, and spun on his heel. James watched him stomp away, sank down onto a bench, and didn't feel the stone underneath him. A half hour later, Lily had to remind him they actually had an exam.


	7. inapprehensible

"Look," Peter said over porridge, shuddering as he passed the Daily Prophet over the table.

Sirius took it, wiping his mouth off with a cloth napkin. He skimmed the article, took in the hovering sign of the Dark Mark in the black and white clipping, and shoved his breakfast away. Next to him, Lily read the headline aloud: "South Wales Tea Shop Found in Ruins; No Survivors." Sirius looked over to the Slytherin table; hardly a face in sight anymore, and those few still dining in the Great Hall were closed-faced, tight-lipped. "Is there nothing they won't do?"

Sirius spoke up, stuffing the column out of sight into his bag. "Oh, there's plenty we purebloods don't do. Laundry, cooking. Manners."

"Not all--" Peter started to protest, but Lily glared across the table at him, and he subsided. "Sorry," he muttered.

Sirius laughed, short. "Why should you be sorry? Your family seems to be quite nice, Peter." He sighed. "No disappearances, no beheadings--"

"No class," said a smooth voice from behind him. Sirius didn't turn around; there was no point in getting into an argument with his cousin, not here when all he'd do was to endanger other people. No matter how much he wouldn't mind grievously injuring her and her friends, nothing good could come of it. Not today. "How do the Pettigrews get by?"

Lily started to rise; Sirius kept his head bowed over his bowl. "I--" and then Lily stopped, sitting back down again.

"It's good you know your place," Bellatrix murmured, and then Sirius heard footsteps on the flagstones. Lily's face, bright scarlet from anger, betrayed her disgust. Sirius turned his head a fraction of a second and saw the Auror, Moody, standing in a side doorway. He was clearly in Lily's line of vision, Sirius realized.

Moody looked at Sirius, then shook his head.

"I can't --" Peter started, but Lily cut him off.

"It's a good thing James wasn't here," she said, smiling weakly. "He would have had her head."

Sirius nodded, "he would, too. Cooked up for dinner."

"Hah!" Peter snorted. "He would have."

"He would have," Lily echoed, and kept looking over Sirius's shoulder. Moody was still standing, watching. He inclined his head, slightly. Lily swung her head around, to where Moody was pointing, and then, Sirius followed his gaze; "look," she murmured.

"It's a snake cast out of the nest," Sirius told her with venom. "Looks like he's got no friends at all."

Lily ignored the comment; no point in arguing right now. Snape slunk into the hall and sat down at the end of the Slytherin table. Spooning hot cereal into his own bowl, he ignored everyone, head low over his spoon, moving only to glance every once in a while at the few Slytherin seventh years still sitting in the Hall.

"Look," Lily said quietly, just to Sirius, "they're ignoring him."

"Them and the rest of the world, then," Sirius answered. "Think he's not involved?"

"I want to," Lily said, "but I can't. If he isn't involved," she said, "it's just because he's not invited." Sirius nodded; even from that quick glance, it was obvious. Snape wasn't looking down his table in anger or hate, or even disdain. It was envy, jealousy for the companionship of his peers that seemed so elusive.

"You know," Sirius said, "I never realized it in all the years we made his life unbearable, but absolutely no one except you ever stood up for him."

"You're right," Lily said, closed her eyes briefly. A ripple passed over her face, and then she said carefully, "Do you think the reason he's in hospital is because he told Remus what he did?" She chewed thoughtfully. "Punishment?"

Peter hunched over more. "It fits," he muttered, "though it's awful. He was just--"

"What?" Sirius said. "Forget it. They can't stand him any more than we can, look."

When Snape tried to say something across the table, the others got up and marched away. He was left sitting with twelve year olds. Lily sighed. "I feel sorry for him," she said.

Sirius was done with feeling sorry. Some people didn't deserve it.

\--

"--so ask her," Sirius muttered.

James sighed. "What can I do?" he said to the two of them.

Sirius bit down a laugh. James was worried about he and Lily. Everything going on right now, and suddenly James was concerned that he and Lily wouldn't last the summer. "You're being daft," Sirius told him, and turned the page of his Runes textbook.

"Just get married already," Remus told him, irritably. Beside him, Sirius let out a little sigh, but kept reading intently. They had a thousand things to review before the Runes final, and it felt as though his head were stuffed full of puffy cotton.

James stared at them, rather pink. "Married? I don't--"

"Oh, come off it," Sirius said. "We've seen the floor show; you two are going to move in together." He put his feet upon Remus's rune dictionary. "Just ask the damned girl to marry you."

"Now see here," James said, face heated, "I don't know why you two feel qualified to give _me_ advice. You've been dancing around each other for three years."

"Well, we're not getting married, Prongs," Sirius replied, "not that we'll ever get as gooey as you two are--"

"We're not _gooey_\--"

"Shut up," Remus cut in calmly, "or I'll hex both of you silent." He stared at the page again. "Some of us have to work for our intelligence."

James subsided, face still deep pink. Sirius pulled closer to Remus's chair and started rubbing his neck, for once allowing Remus to read in peace. "Thank you," Remus said.

Sirius leaned over and closed his own book - deciding, like always, to trust his brain for the exam. They'd actually been studying for Runes, and it was a class that Sirius genuinely enjoyed at least fifty percent of the time, but nothing in Runes was going to help them figure out how to get rid of a Novus spell that was intermingled with a half-dozen other things, including some of the most complex - and vanishing - Transfigurations that Sirius had seen.

Remus in the mean time, had picked up the Daily Prophet instead, and he passed it over. The headline was about a Welsh town, where a family was found dead in their sleep. As Sirius tilted his head to read it, Remus murmured, "they went peacefully, at least."

Sirius snorted. "So says the Prophet." He started rubbing Remus's shoulders, which were tense and tight and wound up. "Who really knows."

James started playing with an enchanted lock pick, and Remus had closed his eyes, letting Sirius try to relieve some of the tension in his cramped muscles, when Sirius said, "I love you."

James dropped the lock pick, scooped it up again, gave them each a look in turn - and all but bolted from their corner of the Common Room.

"You could have," Remus told him quietly, "picked a better time to tell me."

"I know." Sirius dropped his arm. "Better late than never?"

"I meant," and Remus tossed his books away, "not when we both have a N.E.W.T. in the morning, and I haven't revised nearly enough yet."

"Oh," Sirius said, standing. He didn't know why, but the conversation suddenly felt like a failure, like some how he'd missed the vital question on the test and now he'd never make it up. Remus was looking at him, face quiet and polite as usual. "I'm sorry," Sirius mumbled. "You'd better study."

"Oh, you damned fool," and Remus grinned at him, gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "It's nearly one AM, we've been reading all night. Let's go to bed."

~

Sirius had a nightmare where he couldn't wipe the blood off his hands.

He tried and tried and tried and tried and tried, but it was sticky, like glue, and got under his fingernails and on his clothes and fell off his elbows in little gloppy chunks. It was like what he'd heard going down on a girl who was bleeding was like, not usual flowing blood, like water, but more like oil, slick and really sticky.

Sticky kept going through his head, like a mantra, almost like a prayer. Sticky. He wiped the blood onto his pants, and it got his knees wet; more seeped out through his fingernails and trickled down the cracks in his fingers, over his knuckles. It was cold, too, not warm blood, blood leaking as from someone already dead.

Sirius looked down at his feet, and they were already half-sunk in dry dirt, dry sand like when his parents took him to the coast of Greece when he was very small. Greece had been all the rage back then, all old statues and new villas. Sirius hadn't ever wanted to sleep inside, and one night he had snuck out, sleeping on the sand outside their villa, in sight of the waves.

In the dream, suddenly, he looked around, and there was the same beach, his legs sinking into the dry, dry sand. The blood on his hands dripped onto the beach, looked black, drops rolling in the dust like little beetles.

What was the worst part about the trip to Greece was the fear he'd felt, just as the sun was rising, that his mother was going to catch him out of bed. While it was dark out, everything had seemed like an adventure, new and exciting, and though he couldn't see anything in the blackness except the dark sand and the silver waves in the moonlight, it wasn't frightening. As the sun started lightening the sky to the east, however, it wasn't an adventure anymore; it was cold, and smelled like salt and seaweed, and, worst of all, it was Forbidden.

Sirius could see his mother just coming out of the back door of their villa, wand already outstretched just like when he'd been there the first time. He knew she'd be angry, angrier with him than at any other time. "At least I have one obedient son," she'd told him, right before punishment.

It was a dream, a nightmare. Sirius tried to unstick his legs, to pull himself out of the sand. If he could get to the water, he could maybe counteract the sluggish flow of blood with the stinging salt of the sea - but it was no good.

~

He woke up with a gasp, just as his mother's face was visible coming towards him, and the first shimmers of grey and pink showed on the eastern horizon. He rolled over and found Remus curled up in a ball; Sirius wrapped both his arms around him, stared up at the bed curtains of Remus's bed.

"Pretty obviously symbolic," Remus murmured sleepily, when Sirius told him the dream.

"I suppose," Sirius mumbled back.

Remus pulled the blanket around them both, and then sighed faintly, rolling onto his back. Sirius didn't relinquish his hold on Remus, on his waist, his chest. Eventually, Remus raised his arm, squinting at his watch in the deep dark. "What time is it?" he asked.

"I don't know," Sirius replied. "Left my watch in the toilets."

Remus yawned, stretched his toes out. "Let me up," he mumbled, "I'll check."

Sirius squeezed Remus's hand, feeling the warmth there, and then let go. Remus stood, pushing aside the blankets and curtains just enough to pad out of bed and to the window, to get some more light. Sirius could see James and Peter, resting peacefully; Remus peered out the window, and then gestured for Sirius to look.

The air outside their bed was cold, and Sirius shivered as he tiptoed over to their dorm room window. "What?" he whispered.

Remus pointed. Over by the Whomping Willow was a figure dressed in long black robes. From their vantage point, they could also see what the figure probably could not; another person watched him, staying hidden behind some bushes, long black hair and a familiar sag to his shoulders. Snape. Perhaps the hooded figure was aware of Snape and simply didn't care.

"Is that--" Remus whispered.

"I think so," Sirius replied. "What--" he asked, and then clammed up. From out of nowhere, half a dozen more figures appeared, simply not existing and then coming into being, standing in place in a rough semi-circle.

"Invisibility Cloaks," Remus muttered. "That's it. Where the hell did they all get them?"

Sirius shrugged, watching intently as the figures gathered - hooded, and he'd bet fifty Galleons masked - saying, "money buys anything, including a licence to do whatever you want. All the purebloods have enough of both. Wake James, maybe if we take brooms we can catch--"

But as Sirius said it, the figures disappeared, winking out of sight.

\--

Sirius told the others after the Transfiguration written exam, because someone should have a chance to do well. Sirius hadn't been able to comprehend anything on his paper; it was all gibberish. The worst part was he'd probably get top marks. "All of them hooded," he muttered, "and all of them with cloaks. It had to be."

"The Willow," James said. "We'll keep an eye out."

"Shouldn't we, well, tell a teacher?" Peter asked, and ducked his head as Gus and Martha stormed up. "Aren't they more able to--"

"James," Martha said, "this is unforgivable. I don't know whether to be angry or afraid. We have to do something."

Lily looked at James the same moment James looked at Lily; Sirius shook his head slowly. They were sitting on the stone bench, waiting for Remus to finish with Professor Flitwick. Something about a last-minute study question. They used to tease Remus that he'd have fit in better in Ravenclaw, simply to get the other boy to agree to do things that even they wouldn't do. In fifth year, when Remus wouldn't help Sirius hang the 'Slytherin sucks' flag from West Tower, all he'd had to do was goad him with the taunt of 'Ravenclaw'.

"What did they do?" Peter squeaked. Sirius felt, rather than saw, Peter's foot trembling. He shrank down even further beside Sirius.

Martha rubbed her eyes. "Another child, this time a boy. In the courtyard near the Whomping Willow. There's a rumour going around in our houses that the first years will be next," she said. "All the Muggle-borns are afraid to even come out of their common rooms."

Gus added, "I had to excuse mine from classes this morning because they figure the only place safe is in the Tower."

Sirius swallowed as James said, "We'll take care of it, I promise," and then again when, as the two other Prefects left, James bit his lip. The question hanging in the balance wasn't whether they had to do something or not; the question was, what.

"I managed to--" Remus started, striding up, and then clamped his lips shut as he came to a halt. "Was there." He stopped. "Oh," he said.

Sirius felt Peter's foot shaking; he stared at James and Lily holding hands. The courtyard was deserted. "All right," he said. "I know just what to do. Come on, Ravenclaw," he said to Remus, "let's head to Hogsmeade. We've just enough time before your bedtime."

"I'm not--" Remus protested, but Sirius ignored him, grabbed his hand to yank him into the castle. If they hurried, they could manage to get to the joke shop in the village and back again before twilight, before anyone noticed they were gone. The full moon had been bad this month, with only Sirius with him. "What do you intend?" Remus asked, while they trotted to the closest secret passage out of the castle.

"I was thinking some fireworks," Sirius replied. "Not too loud, just bright enough to light the sky up for a while. Blue and red and yellow, maybe."

"Hmm," Remus answered. They wouldn't buy green, just because seeing anything green in the sky was bound to make people even more nervous. Sirius paused beside the one-eyed witch, and glanced around to make sure no one would see them. Sadly, he didn't have to worry - the corridor was painfully deserted.


	8. time races by

Lily always mewled.

"What're you doing?" James mumbled, amused. He stilled his hand, briefly, and Lily mewled again.

"What are - goodness," and Lily shuddered, took in a wondering breath. "Goodness." After a few moments, she put a hand on James's bare shoulder. "My limbs are shaky."

James leaned over her and wrapped the sheet around her body. "Good," he said, and then, "Lily-cake," and then, "what time is it?"

Lily had her eyes closed; she shook her head. "Blast if I know. You're the conscious one."

"Remus and Sirius gave us three hours," and James, trying to squint at his wrist in the dark, cursed time in general for continually moving. "Then we've really got to get up for the meeting."

Lily sighed, eyes closed. Her chest rose and fell gently, and James stared at the little piece of it free of the sheet, at the dots on her skin, the little goose bumps and hairs quivering. "Ruddy meeting," Lily mumbled. "I hate it."

"I don't think," James replied slowly, "that we'll have much opposition to--" but Lily cut him off with,

"No, I mean," and she finally opened her eyes, leaned up on her elbows. Her hair fell down to her shoulders; James ran a hand through a few strands, smoothed them out. "I mean," she repeated, "I hate all of it. That we have to have a meeting about this. That people can be so cruel."

James tugged her hair gently; Lily's head fell to the side. "Sometimes that's just how people are," and he got a hard look. "There's nothing to be done about them."

Lily sank her face into James's chest, wrapped her arms and legs around his body and locked her joints. James let one hand come up to cup her head. Into his skin, she mumbled, "oh, let's not talk about this any more."

James nodded, replied softly, "okay." He stared at her red hair all over the pillow, and then blurted, "Look, Lily, have you given it a thought as to where you're going to live yet?"

She rolled over, stared up at him. Under her elbow was a stack of revision papers; she'd been sorting them earlier into incomprehensible piles. James had no idea what kind of order, random or otherwise, she could have, but it seemed like every page had its own particular spot. Pulling the sheet up, Lily answered, "Well, no, I haven't thought about it too much. If I go back to my family I'm going to go bonkers, though."

"You were thinking about the city, yeah?"

"I'm thinking about trying to find something in the city," she said, "though it would be a shame to be separated, because Remus obviously can't stay in London," and she smiled, "and I think Sirius and he are planning on getting a place together."

Momentarily surprised out of his plan, James said, "Really?"

"Yes, James, I think so."

"What would give you that idea?"

"Have you noticed," Lily said finally, stretching out, "that they're very rarely apart these days?" She pillowed her head on her arms. "Whatever's happened, I think they've finally stopped being daft."

James goggled at her. "Those two?"

Lily actually giggled. "It seems impossible, doesn't it? And yet." She flipped over, pushing a pile of - some subject - out of the way. "I think one or the other finally pointed out that they were in love, and there was nothing else for it."

James was brought up cold with the word 'love', and said suddenly, "Do you love me?"

"Yes, I love you," Lily answered with a smile. "We're young to say that, but, yes. I love you."

He blurted, "Move in with me."

"What?"

There could have been a bit more finesse put on it, or maybe romance, but these were dangerous times and James really hadn't thought about it that much. Now that he said it, though, it made a lot of sense. He leaned forward, replied, "It wouldn't be that much different from Hogwarts. I mean, we'd be sharing a bedroom and a bathroom, and we might actually have to clean it once in a while--"

She interrupted him with, "more than once and a while, James Potter. I'm not going to let you get away with not doing your share of cleaning. It's not that difficult - we do know magic after all."

"So," and he hesitated for a moment, and then went on, "does this mean you're moving in with me?"

Lily laughed, grinning at him. "I guess that means I am."

~

"Moving in?" Remus smiled, delighted. "That's great news. You'll be, well," and he laughed. "You'll drive each other crazy, but it's good news nonetheless."

James punched his shoulder; they were taking a ten minute break from studying for the practical Transfiguration N.E.W.T. James was attempting to teach Remus the most complex spell they'd learned to date with very little success. Remus wasn't trying nearly as hard as he ought, however. James thought the knowledge that he knew enough to get a passing mark was probably part of the problem.

"Shall we try again?"

"Oh, forget it," Remus said. James readily threw the book down - he'd known the spell for just ages. Funnily enough, the only thing that was going well lately for any of them was exams. "Sirius and I heard them again," Remus told James suddenly. "Near the greenhouses. We were thinking. Well. We should. Tonight."

James nodded slowly. "It's about time. I'll go. We have to--"

Remus looked around, at the lower school who were giving them curious looks. "Later."

"True enough," James replied. "Say, do you think it's, too soon?" James asked, suddenly. It hadn't occurred to him, but perhaps--

"Is what too soon?" Peter, lugging a heavy book bag behind him, flopped down beside them. James passed over a stack of notes that Peter immediately snatched; he started tearing through them, flipping each parchment over with uncanny speed. James suspected he wasn't absorbing anything on the pages at all.

Remus smiled, this time a little smugly. "James and Lily are planning to move in together," he told Peter.

Peter's revision halted. "Oh," and his smile fell. "That's, that's great."

James raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"No, it's," and Peter tried to look happy. "That's good news." Off James's look, he added, "I suppose, it's just." Peter sighed. "I guess I'm going back to my parents."

James looked at him. "Peter, get a place on your own."

He answered, "I can't afford it. I mean, you guys are moving in together, and, I don't have anyone. I was going to maybe move in with Sirius, but now I can't. I couldn't interrupt you fellows like that," he added, saying to Remus, "and also, I wouldn't." He looked down at his hands, not wanting to see their expressions as he added, "And no one else would have me."

James shook his head, replied promptly, "yes, they would." He bit his lip, thinking quickly. "Lily and I already have a lead on a place, one of my uncles' flats, and it has enough room for three. Stay with us until you can find somewhere close to us."

The hope in Peter's eyes urged James on. It was the first real excitement on Peter's face in almost a month. James continued, "Look, Peter, it'll be the first time you'll be on your own. It'll be good for you, you know that. You should just try it."

"Okay, why not. I will," Peter said finally with a small laugh. He added, "But I won't stay with you guys more than a month. I'll give myself a month, and if I can't find a job or a place, that'll be it. I'll go back to my parents with my tail between my legs. Because I will not mooch off you two."

James said, "I have money, it's okay."

Peter answered angrily, a dark look on his face suddenly, "It's not about that."

The look was unfamiliar on Peter's face, and the tone was biting, sharp. James frowned, not liking it at all. But then the next moment, Peter sighed again, and went back to being dejected. James put a hand on his shoulder. "We're moving to the city. It'll be exciting."

"Yeah," Peter echoed. "Exciting. A new life, right?"

James grinned. "That's what they keep telling us, anyway."

"Good," Peter said, answering grin at the ready. "I'm getting kind of tired of this one. Maybe we can start going to the pub regularly like normal blokes."

They both knew that there was slim hope for normal pub night, not when a whole block of downtown Muggle London had been destroyed last week by what Muggle papers were calling a pipe bomb. Still, it was nice to pretend.

~

Dumbledore was at the meeting, even. He said, "children, I have good news, and I have bad news." The way he looked around right before 'bad news' made James take pause, lean back in his chair. Something about his stance made James perfectly sure - Dumbledore was going to lie.

"You are undoubtedly aware of the threat surrounding us," he began. "You are also aware of the threat within these walls." He steepled his fingers. "If there were some way to make sure that - to make sure," he amended, "of anything, rest assured I will strive to do so."

Gus was the first one to answer Dumbledore; he said, "so you know what to do."

In his life, James had been called everything from precocious to spoiled to demonic, often in the same breath. He really didn't deny any of it, and often announced it proudly. Part of the reason he'd been labelled thus was a certain disregard for authority figures and rule systems; and that manifested naturally as a disbelief in said figures.

But everyone else was taken in when Dumbledore nodded.


	9. dew

They woke up in tandem at a sound coming from the dorm room door.

Sirius and Remus both started awake, both jerked forward awkwardly and felt their insides squeeze together. It was only James, his fingers around the door handle, trying to close them in again quietly.

"Fool," Sirius muttered, and fell back onto his elbows. Under the covers, Remus put a hand on his ribs, nothing sexual or possessive, or restful. It was an absent, worried, reach. "You could have made a bit more noise."

"What, and woken Peter too?" James whispered, and yawned. He crept back to his bed, only his head showing out from under the Invisibility Cloak. "Lily and I didn't find anything."

In the next bed over, Peter grunted, shuffled, and then opened one pale eye in the dark. "Best you didn't," Remus said, low.

"What are we doing awake, then?" Peter mumbled, struggling to form his words. Peter was a heavy sleeper, even for the few seconds after waking. His face tensed up, both eyes open now and darting around, worried. "Is something wrong? Did you find anything?"

James was getting ready for bed - robes off, pyjamas on. Mud from his shoes stuck to the stone floor. "Not tonight," he answered Peter, and then over Peter's body, he met Sirius's eyes. Remus watched them stare at each other for a moment, sighed, and rolled over to put his shoes on. No socks.

"Where are you going?" Peter said. His voice was now afraid, obviously so, trembling a little. "I thought you said that--"

Remus was already pulling his clothes on and took the Invisibility Cloak from James's outstretched fingers. "Someone should go check the rest of the Tower," he said quietly.

Peter swallowed this lie hook, line, and sinker, lying back down with his blankets tucked under his chin. Sirius started to get up, hesitated with one calf poking out from their sheets. It seemed to be hours and hours and days since they had lain down to go to sleep that night, when really it couldn't have been more than three.

James said, "nice view of the moon from the front steps," and climbed into bed. Remus knew he was exhausted; James lay down on his back, flat out, and was immediately still. They'd agreed to each take half the night because of the exam tomorrow; some sleep was necessary. It seemed he and Sirius would be getting the more interesting shift.

The front steps. Remus nodded, to James, to himself, and then to Sirius. Sirius continued to get out of bed.

~

"We're really too big to use this cloak together," Sirius mumbled and then tried to step down the stairs.

"You could always transform," but Remus didn't want him to; he wanted Sirius accessible, human, and able to use a wand. His arm kept hold of Sirius's waist, fingers hooked in a belt loop.

"I could," Sirius agreed. They made it down the stairs, moving carefully, together, each foot matched and weighted down. It took twice as long to traverse the hallways, huddled together like this, because they had to concentrate on every single step, making sure that they were in tandem. It was an exercise made easier by years of practise.

"We could," Remus whispered as they came to the steps leading to the dungeon, "give up on the Cloak."

Sirius stepped first, this time, and one foot came free of the Cloak. He peered down the steps. Remus could see him squinting. "It's true," Sirius answered softly - after a second, he lit his wand, sending a teeny ball of light down the stairs to light up the bottom. "McGonagall probably won't take any points off for us being out of bed."

The little ball of light came to rest at the end of the stairs, and then winked out. Nothing. "We could go set some fireworks off if you'd like." It could have been funny. It wasn't.

~

"Quickly," said Sirius, and as he started kissing Remus's neck, his jaw, his collarbone, Remus stared at the grey stone wall. He saw the wall, focused on it; his mind wasn't clouded with desire or uncontrollable urge. This is me, he thought, and then, I have to finish that form for the Ministry, I have to send that owl out tomorrow - and then Sirius bit him, and he lost the train of thought. Just for a moment, but enough.

"What are you doing?" he asked Sirius, touching Sirius's head gently. Sirius continued to move his mouth downward, kissing Remus's hip. He stroked Sirius's hair. "Are you doing what I think you're doing?"

Sirius paused to undo Remus's pants, and once Sirius let go he had to hook a few fingers around a belt loop to make sure they didn't fall off completely. "Playing Quidditch," Sirius told him, and then Remus closed his eyes. The wall melted away. He had to send that owl - oh - and he had to make sure and watch for - but it was no use.

"That's," and Remus's breath hitched, "very impressive Quidditch."

Sirius took his mouth away long enough to say "thank you."

It didn't take long. Nothing did, lately; James's Transfiguration essay, twenty minutes to copy out. Revision for Defensive Charms - ten minutes, flash cards and Sirius poking him in the side every time he got it wrong. Sex, maybe fifteen minutes once a day, twenty when they had no homework to hand in. Everything was rushing, rushing quickly and quietly and almost too fast into the dark.

Remus opened his eyes, and glanced at his watch. Ten minutes since Sirius first kissed him. Too long. They had to check the entrance again in five. He struggled to catch his breath, murmuring, "thank you," not only for the moment of normalcy, the moment of tenderness, but for the moment freely given when Sirius knew that Remus didn't have time to reciprocate. Possibly purely selfish; possibly routine. Remus welcomed with glad, open arms, both.

~

They found nothing at all, and stayed until first light. Someone knew how to conceal themselves far too well, far too well for Remus's comfort indeed.

"There's only one explanation," James said, "they must have seen you somehow. Maybe two is too many - I caught a glimpse or two while I was sitting on the railing there."

Sirius started to protest, but Remus held a hand up; "either they saw us coming, or they knew we were coming, or were told we were following them." Remus sighed, and stared around the Common Room. Unusually full, everywhere there were students studying, students huddled in corners, students whispering to each other. He said, "Let's table this until we get through the next exam."

He couldn't even remember what the next one, a scant day away, was, and had to consult his timetable to jog his memory.

~

"I am so tired," Remus said.

Sirius stirred, lifting his head off the table long enough to open one eye. "What?"

"So tired," Remus murmured. He had his textbook out; notes, wand, and still this last bit of revision - one more chapter - wouldn't stick. The Common Room was deserted at quarter to two in the morning. Not a surprise. James and Lily had gone looking around the grounds again, hoping to stumble upon something. Remus didn't hold out much hope; now that whoever was alert to their vigilance, it was unlikely they'd slip - an even more depressing thought.

Sirius sat up with difficulty. "Tired of what?"

"Of, this," Remus said. He let the textbook fall down on the floor, followed by several other reference volumes that had ceased to make any sense some time in April, and which he had hoped dogged perseverance would illuminate - to no avail. "All of this."

Sirius took his hand, stroked fingers over his palm.

"I'm tired of it," Remus said, and then leaned his head back, "the fact that instead of studying last week we had to scour the grounds for signs of Slytherins," he said. "I'm tired of not getting enough time for all the things that have to be done."

Sirius added softly, "or any time for things that we maybe want to do?"

"I'm just," Remus said, eyes closed, "so tired."

Sirius squeezed his hand, kept touching Remus's fingers, his fingernails. "We can't go to bed," he said quietly. "James needs us to be awake when he and Lily get back."

Remus wanted to take the stupid textbook and smash it against the thick glass window, just to make a mess - a mess, a problem that he knew he wouldn't have to deal with. He answered, "I know."

~

Remus took the practical and theoretical Charms exams - he couldn't even remember what was on them once he'd got out of them - all in a day and a half. The only things he remembered about them was the second to last question - it was about Sirius's great-grandfather's perversion of some equation - and the last trial in the practical.

"Remus," James had said, one question before they were dismissed, eyes serious, "Remus, McGonagall needs to talk to you."

Whatever she had needed wasn't nearly as dire as what Remus had envisioned in that minute, and he dismissed the conversation from his memory as he'd managed to dismiss so much else in the last little while. His exam was perfect, except that one trial - which he got zero for. All he could picture was Sirius not breathing.


	10. unlimbers its haunches

"Are you nervous?" Sirius said as they filed into the Great Hall.

James shook his head. "Not in the least. I intend to make it up and hope for the best." He snuck a glance at Lily. "Old money, you know," and he saw Lily try not to grin. "I don't need to worry about test scores."

"You will worry," said a voice from behind him, "if you wish to incur the respect of your professors, and others."

James didn't turn around; Dumbledore had to be joking, since there was no way he'd dare to ask for James's respect, nor think he'd ever get it. Surely. _Surely_. As he wandered over to the side, Lily, Remus, Peter and Sirius following, James could feel Dumbledore's eyes, heavy and veiled.

"I'm nervous," Peter admitted as the five of them stood around, waiting to be assigned to a tester.

Sirius smacked his shoulder. "You should be," and he turned around to stare at front of the hall. "Don't you recognise them? Aurors, all of them, and mean, too."

There were five testing stations, with a wizard or witch behind each. Two of them had scarves covering their entire face and head, save for the eyes. At the last little table, Moody was sitting on a short stool, arms crossed as one of their Advanced Defensive Counterspells classmates tried valiantly to finish the exam. Moody's expression didn't waver.

Remus winced a little bit and hunched his shoulders up. "I recognise that fellow, second from the end. I had an interview with him last year."

"Oh?" Lily turned, head tilted. "He doesn't seem so bad."

"He doesn't much trust those of us that aren't entirely normal," Remus answered quietly. James stared at the man, too. He, at least, was smiling at the student trying to answer all his questions. Moody hadn't moved in the five minutes they'd been waiting, and then he turned his head a fraction, to look at them.

~

James had a nightmare.

He was back on the Hogwarts' Express, only it was all dark and there were Dementors surrounding the car he, Sirius, his father, and Peter were sitting in. James hadn't ever faced a real Dementor before - he could taste the fear in the back of his throat, in between his teeth. It was like one of the spells they'd tried to counter last term, a really nasty curse that affected your senses, left you vulnerable and confused. One of the by-products was a foul taste in the back of your throat.

They had named it the manifestation of fear, which was the purpose of the spell - to instil heightened fear within someone or something else. The mouse they had first tested it on died of a heart attack.

James clearly knew he was in a dream and that Peter's hand melting off, Peter watching it and screaming, couldn't really be happening. The smell of acidic flesh hit James' nostrils at the same time as he started to hear the lower school chanting "Dementors, Dementors," all down the train, over and over and over again.

His father stared blankly; Sirius pulled his wand out and opened the carriage door. The entire scene played out in silence, aside from the chanting, the whisper of "dementors".

James peered out the door into the gloom and saw Lily lying face down in a piece of Scottish ditch somewhere, just off the train tracks. Her head was in a pool of darkness, but gradually the moon came out from behind a cloud, showing her, his Lily, soaked and lolling in a puddle of red and unnatural green.

He woke up crying, just like when he and Sirius had tried to counter the spell the first time. They'd given up in three days, but it had taken James nearly a month to start sleeping properly again. He couldn't shake the sense of deja-vu, of the shuddering feeling that Lily, dead, was a familiar scene to him.

James sat up in bed. He tossed and turned, breathing heavily and eyes open, until first light.

~

It was the lime jelly, the particular eerie shade of green, which twigged his memory.

"I know what they're doing," he said without preamble. McGonagall looked up from her desk, and waited for him to speak. James closed the door to her office, and then said, "it's," and he paused. "It's just a joke."

McGonagall sputtered. "I don't know how you can dare to--"

"To them," James interrupted. "It's a joke, a prank." He stared at his shoes. "Bellatrix, Rodolphus. Whoever. They're just," and he spat out, "having fun. Imitating their parents, probably. Copying what's in the news."

She studied him. "Have you seen these students' faces, James?" When he shook his head, she sighed. "We cannot simply accuse someone without proof," and when he opened his mouth, she held a hand up, "though I do not necessarily believe you are wrong." Her hands were clenched on the desk tightly. "I trust you understand me."

"Does Dumbledore know what's going on?"

"Dumbledore usually is aware of what is going on moreso than anyone else," she replied, and that would have to do, since it was obvious to James that she was unwilling to say anything else. She did add, in an odd tone, "tell me what you know."

"Invisibility Cloaks," he said, "that's what they're using. About a dozen of them, Sirius thinks - he and Remus saw them out a window. They think. A few nights ago."

"I see," she said. "It was one possibility. Interesting that Mr. Black and Mr. Lupin should see."

"There - Dumbledore has a map that should tell you where everyone is at night," James blurted. "It should prove who is--"

"He has been seeking to put it to use," McGonagall cut him off with, "and that is all I will say. What else?"

"Well, obviously someone in the school is getting outside help," James finished grimly. "I think we both know from whom."

"Yes, yes, well."

James sighed. "We've been doing the best we can, but so far no one has managed to get close enough to find out who, exactly, is involved - even if we can guess. The only luck we've had is that Snape let a hint out about the charm they're using."

McGonagall nodded. "I heard that information, James. It was very valuable."

He twisted his lips. "And that's it, you send me out of here with nothing new."

McGonagall looked thoughtful. "Actually, I thought it best to let you finished speaking before I gave you these." She pulled four pieces of rumpled newsprint from under a stack of essays slowly. James glanced at one; none of the pictures were moving, so obviously they were from a Muggle publication.

McGonagall put them down on her desk, pictures facing James's direction. There was a picture of a girl hanging from a garret, her hair partly covering her face; and then an article dating from this morning's press, which showed the lower half of an old man, caption reading 'head missing'. One was a teenager, savage gashes in his side. The final picture was from a week or so ago and showed a little girl, dragged out of the river. The police had assumed she'd drowned.

James said faintly, "I recognise her." McGonagall nodded.

It was the little girl Sirius and Remus had fished out of the lake, he was certain of it. _Certain_. He grabbed the first picture, dragged it closer to his face to examine it, forcing himself to look carefully. It had been dark that night on the Quidditch pitch, and he'd never got a good look at her, but - "that's the girl I saw before."

McGonagall nodded again.

"They knew about it." James lowered the hand holding the article slowly, and then slammed it down on McGonagall's desk. The wood was solid and thick, absorbing the shock easily; James bruised his hand and made only a dull slapping sound. "Why are they still here?" he asked, and bit his lip so hard he could taste the salty blood on his tongue, the copper, the tang at the back of his throat.

Suddenly he remembered his dream, vividly and distinctly, that green tinge to Lily's skin. That tinge was the only thing missing from these news photographs. It was a sign of the most horrible curse of all, and no one knew what it looked like without having seen it first hand, or color wizarding photographs - something more than simply the paper. Even the Daily Prophet published in black and white. James thought back. The little girl, she'd been blue and bloated - but, around her eyes and the nape of her neck, that mint jelly tinge, yes. It had lingered.

He remembered his parents' faces, going home for the funeral.

James stood up. He looked down at McGonagall. "They knew about it _before_. First hand."

She nodded, once. "Professor Dumbledore brought these articles to my attention this morning, Mr. Potter. My hands," and she blinked rapidly, "are tied."

"But--"

"You have been keeping an admirable watch upon the school, James." She tucked her robes more firmly around herself, as she rose. "I haven't seen a better Head Boy in all my years. But James," and she leaned forward, thin fingers pressing down upon her desk, "as you are watching, so are they." She stared him down. "Dumbledore cannot allow them to know that we are aware."

"An acceptable risk," James muttered.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Something," he said, "that my father once said." James turned away. "Sometimes it is necessary to take an acceptable risk or two." He felt his fingers tighten. "If Dumbledore wants us to stop just to protect your secret," he said, "we will."

"James, I cannot do anything, there is too much at risk. We cannot do anything." McGonagall took her hand from the table, and deliberately gripped his shoulder. "But you can."

~

At tea, James sat down with Lily and Theresa. They were both hunched over. James began with, "listen, I know what they're doing - they're all in the news." He looked up to where Sirius and Martha were sitting down. "They're copying real, well, they're copying real things. I saw the newspaper clippings, McGonagall showed me." He paused, staring at them. "What?"

Sirius looked at Lily. "No one told you yet?"

"I just finished an Arithmancy final not two minutes ago," James said, irritated. "_What_?"

Looking around at them and really seeing their faces, he felt that old familiar chill. Lily was pale, too pale. Sirius had a permanent wrinkle in his forehead. Lily said, "They found another bod-- another one."

James stifled a sigh, an unhappy exhalation of breath. "What this time?"

Lily glanced at Martha, who was sitting with them once again. It was Martha that told him. "An, an old man, missing his head." Martha swallowed, and mumbled, "In the Hufflepuff common room."

~

James asked the Fat Lady who knew their password three times. Each time, he envisioned someone letting it slip - how easy would it be to simply wait, hidden under an Invisibility Cloak, until someone were to enter the Tower - and blanched.

~

Everyone agreed. Something must be done.

"We know what they're doing, how, and why," James started, and looked around at his friends. "Now all we have to do is figure out how to find them, since they've figured out we're following them." When no one spoke up, James hesitated. "Our best bet," he finally said, "I think, is to follow Snape. After all, he knows what's going on--"

Sirius stood up. "Give me the Cloak," he said immediately, and slapped a hand over Remus's mouth when he started to protest. "James and I are best able to defend ourselves, and I won't let someone else take the risk for my fucking family. Believe me, I'll find them."

James handed him the Invisibility Cloak only because he knew, not assumed, but _knew_, that Sirius would stun him, all of them, if he refused, and then go anyway. He passed it over, and closed his eyes.


	11. leaving

Sirius woke up with a raging headache and staring at the tops of his feet, which were sticking out from the end of a bright blue blanket. Only the hospital wing used bedclothes that cheerful. One of his socks had a hole in it. Something must have happened last night.

"Finally," a voice said beside him, and Sirius rolled over with difficulty to find Remus standing up, book now hastily discarded in Sirius's own lap. "Just let me grab everyone else--"

Sirius held a hand out, blinked, and thought about saying "wait," but Remus was already up and out of the room. He wriggled his toes, for lack of something better to do, and wondered just how strong a potion he'd already swallowed to be acting so daft. Trying to clear his head, he shook it, but the ache just intensified. He gave up, deciding to wait for the pounding to wear off on its own. It was certainly preferable to his throbbing temples, anyway.

"There he is," and James tumbled in the door, followed closely by several indistinct faces that, after a moment, appeared to be a blurry Peter, Remus, and Lily - and then the Madam. "You stupid bastard, how'd you--"

"Keep it down," Remus interrupted. "He's had quite a lot of potion shoved down his throat this morning, already." As Remus talked, they finally came to a halt at Sirius's bedside, and indistinct faces took more solid shape. Sirius registered, belatedly, that Remus must have been sitting with him all morning if he knew what potions he'd been fed.

James took the chair that Remus had so recently vacated leaving Remus to sit gingerly on a corner of the bed itself, and Peter and Lily to stand, hovering, somewhere near his knees.

A voice came from behind them. "Before you students," the Madam started, "begin harassing Mr. Black, I must examine him. This is, after all, supposed to be a quiet visit."

James backed up immediately, and allowed the Madam access to Sirius, though Remus refused to budge. "Nothing but a nice, quiet visit," James reassured her. Sirius knew that James was lying through his teeth by the easy agreement in his tone. When Remus took Sirius's hand, curling his fingers with Sirius's, the Madam hurried off, mumbling something about giving them some privacy. Lily followed her, discreetly checking the ward for something. When Lily returned, nodding, James added, voice low, "and a bit of a strategy session."

Sirius still felt a bit strange, like his head was all woolly from fever or something. There was something not quite right about the morning, still. "Strategy for what?" Remus's fingers were laced tightly with his, cool hand stroking Sirius's palm. "What happened?"

James frowned, and he answered, voice odd, "we were hoping you could tell us."

"And," as Sirius suddenly realized what was wrong, "why'm I in the hospital wing?"

James and Remus glanced at each other, unreadable, over Sirius's chest. James's lips twitched, and Remus nodded. Remus asked carefully, "how much of yesterday do you remember?"

Sirius tried to sit up, unsuccessfully. It was as if his limbs were lead weights, or half-asleep - they refused to listen to him. Damned inconvenient. He had to wake up properly. Even in his dopey state of mind, he could clearly recognise that something important was going on. "I know that we skipped out of Charms again," he said, a bit annoyed, "and that there was shepherd's pie in the Dining Hall. And--" he stopped, puzzled, as things started to make a hazy sort of sense. "Didn't. Something was in the Hufflepuff Common Room."

Sirius stopped talking, using his free hand to rub his forehead, which was still aching mercilessly. If only his head would stop spinning. Remus nodded. "Something was."

"What were." Sirius didn't continue. He just had to think, just had to puzzle this out. It was just going to take some concentration. "I followed them," he finally said quietly, "last night, didn't I?"

The realization came just as his headache subsided, a little bit. In its wake, a new kind of ache took up residence in his head. Remus's thumb stilled on his palm, and Sirius squeezed his fingers, got an answering pressure in return. It was James that spoke, however. "You insisted you'd look for them after dark." He couldn't look at Sirius. "They found you unconscious this morning. I would assume that you found them."

Peter's voice was small. "They didn't know if - they weren't sure you were going to wake up."

"It was." Sirius frowned, thinking back. It was nearly clear, if he could only-- "I don't think I saw anything," he finally told James, regretful. "I think they must have seen me and gone after me before they did, whatever it was they did."

Lily sighed. "Then we're back at square one."

"Not quite," James answered. "We know that - well, that Sirius found them." He looked away, out the window. Sirius knew he was uncomfortable, suddenly, not being able to look anyone in the eye. "McGonagall says that the teachers can't do anything about it. Her hands 'are tied'."

Sirius managed - not without some effort - to shove himself at least kind of upright with his free hand. He moved over so that Remus could sit down properly if he wanted to, but Remus stayed rigid. "Of course they are," Sirius said, and rubbed his forehead again. "At least I did find them, last night."

James looked at Sirius, grave. "They found you, Sirius." He glanced at Remus, and then Lily, before saying, "I'm. As Head Boy, I think." He looked back out the window. "We've got to stop investigating on our own. None of us are going anywhere without someone to watch our back." He looked back at Sirius. "That's it."

"I'll be fine," Sirius muttered.

"You might not have--" James started, and then he looked away.

Sirius cut him off, seeing the tension easily. "I know. I don't intend to do anything - anyway." He sighed. James had been worried about him, then. Sirius was a bit worried about himself. He was afraid that either hitting his head, or the curse he came in contact with, something, had addled his brains so much his memory was going to be permanently altered. He still couldn't conjure up a clear mental image of the attack. "I just wish that it didn't feel. Like." He bit his lip. "Like we were slipping backwards in the damned thing. You know?"

James kept looking out the window; Lily plucked at the blanket, and nodded. Peter was frozen in place, a statue. Remus's thumb circled Sirius's palm, over and over and over again. None of them had anything to say.

~

They decided to go in pairs. It wasn't a perfect solution.

~

"I don't see what other alternative we have," Sirius said, and turned around. The floor he was pacing wasn't the most attractive, being the stone floor between the kitchen and the pantry - well used by house elves and students hoping to sneak food, but not very decorative. He'd been staring at it for the last hour.

"We can't--" Remus started, and then stopped. "Sirius, do you have any idea what we have to lose? I could lose you - I nearly did. Do you understand that?"

Sirius paused in his walking. "What?"

"Just because," Remus said slowly, "James was the one speaking, he wasn't the only one concerned for your welfare. Certainly he wasn't the one most concerned."

Sirius laughed, awkward, flipped around on his heel. "You can't--"

"_Sirius_," Remus said. "You've asked me if I want to live with you. We're in the middle of a _war_, Sirius."

Faintly. "Why're you saying my name?"

It was odd, hearing Remus talk about their lives as being part of a war zone. It made Sirius supremely uncomfortable just thinking about it, especially when his relatives were most definitely on the other side. A war. Casualties of war.

"I love you, Sirius," Remus said. "And I appreciate that you would like to move in, that you asked me, but I don't think you quite understand what this means to me. Because it's quite a bit, you know."

Remus delivered all of this fairly matter-of-factly. Quietly, but not embarrassed. Remus wasn't uncomfortable. It was the way Remus would confess something so important he wouldn't know how to lie.

"Look," Remus said finally. "I put you on the spot, and that wasn't fair," and wasn't that was the truth. He added, "But understand, this is important. Because in a very short time everything is going to change. Everything outside this school has already changed, and in a very short time we're going to be a part of that."

All these words rushed out in a constant flow - maybe so Sirius couldn't have a chance to interrupt, he wasn't sure. There wasn't anything he could say that could interrupt anyway.

Remus went on. "And I need to know, because I've been taking stock of what I have, in my life, the important things. In the last year I've been thinking about it because," and he took a breath. "I keep thinking about what I could lose."

It couldn't be, it wasn't - Sirius gulped again. Remus was still talking, on and on in a steady stream, but Sirius focused on that word, 'lose'. Lose. They could lose. He could lose.


	12. teaspoon of ashes

"You want to stop looking altogether?" James said. "We've almost figured it--"

"I want you to think for a moment, James Potter." Lily paced back and forth. "Professor McGonagall didn't tell us to be careful for nothing, all right! And, and Sirius. He nearly, he was nearly--"

James hesitated. This was the right time to tell her, if there ever was one. "Lily," he said, and swallowed. "When Sirius and I were visiting my uncle last holidays, I was going through some of my father's things." She stood still. "And I was reading the Daily Prophet." He sighed. "My father was working for Dumbledore somehow, you know that." Lily nodded. "Well, I don't think Dumbledore was working alone."

"And we both know he's not under the Ministry," she said quietly. "So now you want to help too," she finally added, and sat down heavily. "Well."

"How can I not want to help?" James replied. "People are dying all over. There has to be something I can do."

"You mean," she said with steel, "something _we_ can do."

James wrapped his arms around her tightly, and Lily leaned on him, pressing against his chest. James suddenly felt very, very afraid.

~

"Why is this so important?" James asked, eyes darting from McGonagall to Moody and back again.

McGonagall, inexplicably, looked at the portraits on the wall of her office. She stood up and motioned for the two of them to follow her outside. "Let's go for a walk," she said. James glanced back at Moody, examining the paper, but went. McGonagall led them outside to walk a little ways from the side of the castle. James could just see the Whomping Willow in the distance.

"All right," Lily said, "what is this all about?"

McGonagall said, "There are things that the two of you don't know about what is going on." She sighed. "I'm sure that very soon, you'll find out."

"So you and Dumbledore are involved in something outside the school?"

McGonagall glanced around, worried. "Do not mention this," she said, "outside of your circle, please."

"Of course, we--"

"I'm probably telling you something you already know, but there may very well be dark wizards, even Death Eaters, in this school."

"Why hasn't Dumbledore--"

McGonagall cut Lily off. "I have already explained this somewhat to James and asked him to keep it to himself. Now, I trust you'll allow this information to filter into the others' ears. Perhaps the knowledge will prevent anyone from doing anything as indescribably daft as Mr. Black--" and here McGonagall looked away quickly, put a hand to her forehead, upset. After a moment, she continued. "Dumbledore has made the decision to take certain - risks," and she paused, "in the past, in the hope of protecting lives. He does so again, by allowing Death Eaters certain access to the school."

James shook his head. "The villain underfoot, and all that?" McGonagall nodded. "We'll have to do our best, then," he said. "You can count on us."

"Yes, I know," McGonagall answered. She looked to them, clutched her hands together. "This is why I am entrusting you with this information. Now you'd best get back to your work," she told them, and then lowered her voice even more. "And be careful, you two." She bit her lip and looked away. "Please."

~

"It's weird," James said, flipping a Galleon through the air.

He'd told the others what McGonagall said to him; none of them were surprised, but saying it aloud made things even worse. He and Sirius had decided to slack off for a half hour, take a walk. James found himself looking behind himself constantly. It wasn't much of a break.

Sirius ducked to avoid a low branch. "What is?"

James dropped the Galleon, on purpose, and bent over to pick it up. The twigs under their feet crackled. "I dunno."

"What?" Sirius said. He pushed a few more branches out of the way, and they snapped back once the two of them had passed. The whole world, today, seemed determined to bend just long enough for them to roll past, saunter past, and then snap back into shape as if they'd never set foot in it at all.

"Getting used to being afraid," James replied. They both stepped around a larger rock, falling back into rhythm. "I dunno," James repeated, low. He said, "It's just weird. Being able to think this kind of thing is normal."

Sirius pointed his wand up instantly, off to their side, narrowing his eyes at the dim shade beyond their little clearing. James pocketed the Galleon and crouched down behind him, making sure to keep a rotten stump between him and the rest of the Forest. Eventually, a Bowtruckle screeched past them, fear on its face. "Nothing," Sirius said, teeth clenched, "about this is normal."

They resumed walking. James shrugged. "maybe," he said. "Did you study for your second Runes exam?"

"A bit," Sirius answered. "Remus and I spent an hour in the library while you and Lily were downstairs." They continued to move farther into the Forest and away from the school. They both knew that eventually they'd find something. That was the problem.

"Think you'll do okay?" James asked him.

Sirius blinked; in three seconds, he'd already forgotten all about his N.E.W.T.s, about his classes, and even about Remus; all he knew was the path in front of him and all those distant sounds that may or may not be footsteps over leaves.

~

It wasn't James that found them. Somehow, looking back, he thought it should have been.

"What did you think of that N.E.W.T.?" he asked Sirius, flipping the exam paper closed without another look. "I think I may have written that asleep."

"I know I did," and Sirius yawned. "Remus, luv, sit back down. This is the last one, you can stop now." He grabbed the other boy's hand and yanked until Remus sat down. James tried not to grin - they weren't allowed to leave the classroom until all the exams were collected and McGonagall dismissed them. Sirius added, "I'm starving," and then, "I missed breakfas--" and then everyone stopped short.

Theresa all but ran into their N.E.W.T. examination room, where McGonagall was just collecting their papers. "Please," and a moment before she spoke, James knew what had happened. He nearly closed his eyes, plugged his fingers into his ears to pretend he didn't.

McGonagall held her hand up. "You are dismissed," she told the few Seventh years who'd made it all the way through the exam. The two Slytherin sevenths looked at each other, and McGonagall added, "Please go to your dorm rooms and stay there."

As James and Lily made to stand, Lily murmured, "I love you." James took her hand, squeezed it tightly.

"James, Lily, would you stay."

In the doorway, Remus and Sirius turned around to look back. Remus was patting Theresa on the shoulder. She was stark white and clutching her bag, James suspected to stop from trembling violently. Sirius's face spelled murder.

McGonagall nodded to them, and they closed the door behind them, Remus's hand transferred to Sirius's shoulder.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," Theresa said belatedly. It was as if her script had been derailed all of a sudden, and she had no idea what to say next.

"Where did you find - it?" McGonagall asked kindly.

"In - in the Tower," and Theresa gulped. "Gus is there, making sure no one goes up there. He was coming up to our Common Room, and I was just coming out to meet him-" and suddenly she flushed scarlet, blotchy, so her face was a mottled patchwork of embarrassment and fear.

"I believe you're quite good friends with him, are you not?" McGonagall asked. When Theresa nodded dumbly, she said, "Well."

McGonagall looked at James and Lily; James was still standing stupidly by his desk, but now he started stuffing his quill and exam paper into his bag. "I'll find Professor Dumbledore," he told her.

"Yes, I was about to suggest that. The password is 'tutela'." McGonagall's eyes narrowed. "The illusions are rather hard to dispel, and I'm afraid I don't know whether --"

"Professor," and James was almost to the door. Later, he would have given anything to have already been out the door, if it could have given him a few more minutes' peace, not knowing what Theresa already did. She took another gulping breath of air, and it gave her the appearance of choking on her words. "I'm not sure if you know Sarah Smith, she's a Hufflepuff second year? Her and Jesse Figg, and Mark Chang from Ravenclaw. They're all second years. They."

McGonagall froze, James stared at Theresa; he'd coached Jesse for the Gryffindor Quidditch team - he'd been pretty good. Mark was a little boy with red hair. Theresa said, "They were hanging by their feet, blood pooled. Their blood. It - I don't know if it was after they. They were. I don't know if it was painful, or." Already, James could picture the three students, hair hanging, faces probably bruised. What an awful thing to--

Lily went to put an arm around Theresa's shoulders, because she was trembling even more violently, teeth audibly chattering through her words. James mentally begged please. Oh please. Oh please. Not--

James would be grateful, later, that they were alone, because the next moment was probably one of the most awful in his entire life. As Theresa said it, McGonagall's eyes narrowed to slits, although brimming with tears. Theresa said, "The, the Dark Mark - it, it was hovering. They were real."


	13. where the burning began

James didn't stop to tell Sirius and Remus, waiting right outside, anything. He didn't have to. Sirius said, "Shall we go take a look, see what we can find, luv?"

Remus shook his head. They'd been ordered to their Common Room. They couldn't possibly actually do anything that would result in anything good by taking on a whole group of Dark wizards - and Remus came up against a mental wall, surprised at himself for making the distinction. Rather than just a Slytherin problem, this had gone beyond the scope of the school. Of course it had, and just because a wizard was underage didn't mean that they couldn't be as cruel as the Dark Lord.

His eyes narrowed. Maybe he should have made the distinction a long time ago.

They took a short cut, Remus clutching Sirius's waist, and found their Common Room full of the lower school, who'd been dismissed as summarily as they had but were a lot more frightened - and the upper years, who had circled the door as if someone might get into the portrait hole.

The first words out of Poesy's mouth were, "Where's James?"

Remus summoned up a hearty smile from nowhere that he was sure was completely see-through and told the Tower, "probably getting into mischief. You know him."

Tom, who'd been biting his lip, piped up with, "then shouldn't you be right there with him?"

It wasn't particularly funny, but the joke helped ease some of the tension swimming around the room. When the noise level was sufficient to cover his murmur, Remus said to Sirius, "I thought you wanted to go looking for them."

Sirius sighed. "It wouldn't have done any good, I suppose." Remus held his hand.

They tried to be as entertaining as they possibly could, given the way Sirius's jaw was tight, constantly clenched. When James finally came back to them, nearly a half-hour later, he pulled them into a corner. Remus already knew James was about to say something really awful. They had done two head counts, discreetly, and a missing second year stuck out like a sore thumb - a broken thumb, nail black and swollen.

Remus still wasn't ready for it.

James whispered, "Three students are dead. They were killed, up--"

\--but Sirius didn't wait to hear the rest. He headed for the dorm room, citing exhaustion from all that lack of studying to anyone who asked after him, even though it was a flimsy excuse and not even the first years were buying it.

Remus hurried after him, leaving James to deal with everyone else. Remus didn't know what he was going to say to make that terrified, angry look melt off Sirius's face. He didn't even know if he should. Someone deserved to die, and it certainly wasn't second years, it wasn't children.

Remus made it into the room only a half-step behind Sirius, who slammed the door closed, breathing heavily. When it was finally just the two of them alone, Sirius started to cry.

~

"--going to have to," and James opened the dorm room door. He was alone, carrying a stack of parchment. He didn't look at Remus and Sirius; Remus was still holding Sirius's hand, and their bed curtains were drawn nearly all the way around. James dumped his parchments unceremoniously on his bed, and stared at the pages, rather than through the small gap in their curtains. He said, "Dumbledore's sending everyone home tomorrow. He'll announce it at tonight's meal."

Remus nodded, though James still wasn't looking. James pulled his trunk out from under his bed. Sirius, lying on his back behind the bed curtains, hadn't even acknowledged James's arrival. "I suppose it's a good idea," Remus said quietly, and finally opened the curtains up. "Packing, I mean."

James shrugged. "Won't have time later," he intoned. "The kids will have to be reassured, coddled." He pulled books off his dresser and threw them in the trunk.

Remus pulled his wand out and surreptitiously tidied the trunk up as James continued to throw things in relentlessly. Dress robes, four bottles of ink, broomstick care kit. Remus flicked his wand and the items lodged themselves neatly. "McGonagall's with them now," James added, as he pulled a pile of Divination homework out from a bottom drawer.

Remus could tell it was Divination homework because of the star charts. James stared at it for a second, and then, shredding it, threw it over his shoulder to land carelessly on the floor. "Do you need us?" Remus asked.

James continued to empty his bottom drawer. The Invisibility Cloak that rarely left his locked trunk he threw on the bed; the posters on the wall he added to the pile of homework on the floor. "McGonagall asked for us outside," he said. "For tomorrow morning. The carriages come at nine."

"Got it," Remus told him again, quietly. He spared a glance at Sirius, who had his eyes closed and his hands folded over his chest. "We'll handle the rest of this, James," and then Sirius opened one eye. "Go do what you need to."

James sat on his bed heavily, as he found, tucked between a pair of dirty socks, some charmed teacup that Lily had bought him. A hideous pink thing it was, and Remus remembered that it sang if you poured hot tea in it. It was cute but completely useless. After a second, James tossed it on the floor with the rest of the garbage.

Remus leaned over and pulled out his own trunk. Opening it, he tried to go about the incredibly painful task of pulling everything from his school years out that could help him survive. Books he tucked into a small corner: 1001 Magical Herbs And Fungi, Defensive Charms And How To Use Them, Common Poisons. His copy of Unfogging the Future ended up right on top of James's - why they'd held onto them this long, Remus wasn't sure.

He picked up his carefully stacked and sorted Runes notes, and his stomach clenched.

"Moony," Sirius muttered. "Come on." He sat up, and James paused - a sack full of potion-making ingredients in his hand - watching. Sirius took the notes from him. "It's not the end of the world."

Remus nodded. "No." Still, he glanced at the Runes dictionary in his hand and - feeling a horrible loss - added it to the pile on the floor.

~

When they emerged a half hour later - did it really take only a half-hour to clean out a year of your life? - McGonagall was still in the Common Room. She looked to be organizing packing. Remus asked James, "I thought they were telling everyone tonight."

James still didn't look at either of them. "They will," he said, and headed out of the Portrait Hole.

Sirius made a beeline for McGonagall. "Do you need us?" he asked the back of her head. "I suppose I should ask," he amended, "where do you need us?"

"Oh!" She whirled around from the two third year girls she was talking to, a hand pressed to her heart. "It's you two. Yes, go and check on the carriages. We're having the Leaving Feast, such as it is, at half-seven. Make sure Gus knows about it, and then tell Lily to round up all the first years at seven. Have Martha get the baggage and train arranged." She looked at the two third years - one had red eyes; they both were pale - and she added, "and thank you."

"Thankless," Sirius muttered as they headed out as well - Remus noticed that everyone in the Room looked up fearfully as the portrait opened - "is the task of the volunteer."

"We have to," Remus told him.

Sirius nodded. "I know."

~

Half seven, and no one was hungry. The entire Hall was looking at Dumbledore, most with frightened faces. The younger children were huddled in their seats. The Slytherin table was a mixture of emotions, and Remus didn't want to look at them close enough to figure out what any of them were. He didn't want to see any kind of smugness, complacency, or triumph, because he didn't trust his reaction to it.

Dumbledore entered the Great Hall, and a low buzz of chatter started up. Students craned their necks to get a glimpse of him. Remus didn't look at Dumbledore just as much as he didn't look at any of the Slytherin table; he noticed James was studying his hands. Lily had an arm wrapped tightly around James's shoulders.

Quietly, so that only Lily could hear, Remus leaned over and murmured in her ear, "is he all right?"

Lily shook her head. She mouthed, "are you?"

Dumbledore reached the head table and, without any melodrama or pause, took his place. "I have some news," Dumbledore said, standing up, "to impart."

The Great Hall, dressed up for the end of school banquet, was only missing the House and triumphant banners. There had been rumors circulating - unconfirmed rumours, as far as Remus knew - but though it was possible not everyone knew the details, it was glaringly obvious that by now, everyone was aware of the scope of danger.

"Voldemort," Dumbledore started, "has struck in this school." Children began buzzing, some getting up in panic. "Quiet!" and then suddenly everyone paused, and sat as one mass when Dumbledore gestured them to retake their seats. "Many of you may have heard that three students have disappeared." This was general knowledge; bad news travelled fast.

Dumbledore cleared his throat carefully. "Their bodies," he said quietly, "were indeed found, just this afternoon." The buzz started up again, and heads whipped around. None too few stared at the Slytherin house table; angry and bored gazes stared back. "I received an owl from the Ministry just now," Dumbledore added quietly, "and they have decided, in light of this news, to close the school."

Instead of the clatter of forks and knives, the insistent whisper of chatter, rumours, questions, and fear - the Hall went silent.

~

Remus didn't dream that night. He didn't dream of anything; sleep was nothing, a long black expanse of nothing and nothing and more nothing.

When he woke the next morning tangled in Sirius's sheets, he nearly moaned out loud for all the things that instantly hit his mind. Sirius was already awake. It looked like he hadn't slept at all.

~

It didn't quite feel like the end, but Remus supposed it was, regardless.

He stared across the hall and didn't take in the luggage piled up. He didn't take in the crowds of children, he didn't take in the teachers' eyes. He didn't absorb the noise or acknowledge himself tripping over a stray trunk. He didn't think about his test scores, his future, or even his past.

Instead, he watched two familiar figures, decked out in black robes with green scarves, get into a carriage. "They're being met in Hogsmeade," Sirius said. "By my mother."

"Yes," Remus said.

"They did it," Sirius said. Bellatrix Black and Rodolphus Lestrange, arms crossed nonchalantly, waited while a house elf - not in Hogwarts' colors - moved their trunks into the carriage. Lestrange's brother followed them. "They fucking did it."

"Yes," Remus said.

"This is the last time I'm ever going to see any of them," Sirius said finally. Bellatrix, face distant enough to barely read the expression, was leaning out the door of the carriage. The head of Slytherin House said a few words into the open carriage window and then backed off. "I don't have to look at her face ever again."

"Yes," Remus said. "Hopefully."

Sirius muttered, "I swear, never," into the muted air. The two of them watched the carriage drive off.


	14. the better

"James! James Potter!" McGonagall called out. "A word about your N.E.W.T.s, if you please."

James looked up from where he'd been helping two second year Gryffindors into a carriage to take them to the train station.

"I simply wanted," McGonagall said when they were in her office, "to congratulate you, James. You did very well." He murmured his thanks. Her face was anything but congratulatory; she looked weary, and even a little regretful. "Yes, all right," she said quickly, "there's something else. I'll get right to the point," she said. "Things outside school are getting worse. Nearly a disappearance a day," and she paused, wiping her eye suspiciously. James remembered the story in the Prophet about the latest Ministry official that had gone missing. "You know what is happening."

James answered grimly, "Dark wizards in the school."

"We had hoped - well, never mind that now. James, you are loyal, you are brave, but most importantly, you are too clever for your own good."

"That's what they tell me," he said. McGonagall started walking, slowly, out towards the courtyard. Everywhere students were lugging their trunks to the train, but instead of a huge chattering throng like in most years, there was an uncomfortable hush over everyone. James couldn't ever remember the grounds being so quiet. It was as if all the people running around had had their voices stolen.

"Well," and McGonagall paused to wave her wand and save a struggling first year from falling down the steps, "it's true." She sighed, and then said smartly, "it's time you knew the truth, James. Your father was working for Dumbledore, as am I, as are many people. Fewer," and she halted, "than when we started. We have been fighting towards one goal, and one goal only."

"You're working to bring down Voldemort," James said, slowly. "I knew that much. My father, he left." James shook his head. "It doesn't matter what he left."

"Yes," and here McGonagall wiped a tear away hurriedly. "Your father was a great loss, James." Her voice shook a little bit, but she added, "A great loss."

James nodded. He was waiting for McGonagall to explain why she'd brought it up; it was both overly sentimental and overly personal for her.

"But," and McGonagall swallowed, her voice stronger, "you deserve to know what, exactly, is going on." She stopped, a ways away from the crowd of students, and said quietly, "Your father was a member of a secret society: The Order of the Phoenix. It was started by Dumbledore to try and stop You-Know-Who. Your parents died in service to the Order." She blinked a few times, trying to regain her composure. James felt even more uncomfortable; it was so unlike McGonagall to get worked up. She continued, "they were two of so many casualties in the last few years."

James had no idea what to say; McGonagall was obviously getting to a point, and he was trying to digest what she was saying to try and understand her full meaning, fill in the gaps in her words. It was obvious she was scared, scared and weary and grieving. James also bet that many of the people she meant when she said 'casualties' had been acquaintances, friends. Finally, he asked, "The members of the Order of the Phoenix - they're loyal to Dumbledore, above all else?"

"To the cause of stopping You-Know-Who," she answered. "We've been trying to do wherever we can; bring down his spies, stop the Death Eaters from whatever they're doing. Stop some of the terrible things that happen from happening. Many people have died in service to the Order, and it's quite likely that many more will. It's," and she paused again, suddenly looking more tired than James had ever seen her look, "it's all we can do to stay alive."

When she said nothing else, James finally replied uncertainly, "This is the world we live in."

McGonagall put a hand over her mouth, blinked a few more times. She had to wait a few moments, staring at him, before she continued. "Yes, yes it is, and I'm afraid to say it is only getting worse." She shook her head. "We've been trying as best we can, but in truth, James, we're stretched so thin. If we don't find some more members soon, there won't be any of us left--"

James suddenly knew what she was hedging around saying, what she desperately wanted to hear from him and yet couldn't bring herself to ask. McGonagall was no longer his teacher but a soldier, and James finally knew it. Immediately, he cut her off. "Yes, yes, I'm in, we're all in. Sirius, Lily, Remus, Peter, and I. We want to help." He took a breath, as McGonagall's face cleared slowly, the first sign of hope showing in her eyes.

James said immediately, "what do we have to do?"

**~end~**


End file.
